As the miserable days passed, I tried to keep to myself, and get into as less trouble as possible. I felt nothing but rage, terror, and sadness inside the thin-frail body that I had. I needed someone to talk to, hold me, comfort me, and let me know that everything would be ok, but I didn't have that.This dirty-disgusting man walked around the house, like nothing ever happened, and smiled in mama's face. All that smiling came to an end when mama found out Dean was sleeping with her best friend. Her best friend that made pillows for her couch that both women sat on, as mama talked about her and Dean's problems. Mama was furious, and felt like she'd been played like a fiddle, bur never once did she budge or break. There was nothing but arguing and fighting in the house, and Dean walked around, talking to Wayne and I, like wewere smudged-shit that lay on the ground.
Late one night as me and my brother lay asleep in our room, I was awaken by my hair being roughly-yanked. When I opened my eyes, I thought I saw the devil himself, evily grinning, while slapping me in my face. My brother lifted his head to see what was the commotion, but Dean just patted him back to sleep. He began to rub his fingers between my leg and I cry, beg, and plead by saying "please no." That's when mama bursts into the room, staring at me as if the look on my face told her something was terribly wrong. She asks "what's going on in here?" Dean Replies "she's just having a bad dream." Thats when I knew it was a better time than any, and I yell " No I'm not, he touching on me!" Mama's face expression changed and she ask's "touching on you where?" That is when I say "beween my legs." Mama walks over, picks me up, wakes my brother, and tells Dean "stay away from my kids." That night, we slept with mama, something I hadn't done in years. We were never left alone with him again, thankgoodness. I knew he would never get the satisfaction of touching me inappropriately ever again, making me feel like a trash bag, which had been placed in a corner, that someone forgot to take out.
I never told mama everything that Dean actually did to me, because she never asked. I don't think she really wanted to know, because it would have really torn her up inside, and she had enough pain that she was already dealing with. I knew she wouldn't be able to fathom the fact, that the man she loved and had children with, could stoop down to the level of a sneaky-ass snake, that slithers across the grass and into the lives of others, just to destroy them. Dean knew he was wrong, and he would sometimes come home, and let me and Wayne play with his shotguns and rifles, by loading them with shells and shooting holes into the wallls of our home. Big loud booms would go off into our ears, causing them to go numb for a few minutes. He would even let us smoke cigarettes, but mama nipped that in the bud, real quick. I think he was trying to win cool points with us, but that man knows he was as wrong as two left shoes.
The days that mama had to work, grandmother would watch over us. At night I slept in her room wich was now at mama's house. My nightmare is not over, due to the fact that I sometimes cry, and it awakens me. Dean and mama were through, even though mama was pregnant. She had enough and chose her children over a man the was all about himself, and meant no good by her, then mama finally broke down, and called her sisters in California. My aunts don't realize it, but they saved our lives by putting enough money together, paying for our tickets, so we could leave this hell called home. Dean would would come home that day to find the house completely empty, and for the last time we board the greyhound, headed to California.