Kristen Cho
Kristen Cho
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Kristen Cho
Hello Joseph Camilleri.
I find your haiku, "War" ok. It definitely has interesting imagery, especially when describing the sky. Saying that the sky is darkening is a good way of saying that the day is ending and a good way of setting the dark mood of war. I also like the use of "torn" to describe the sky. It makes me imagine how the clouds, the planes, and the bombs look, when contrasting agaisnt the sky. 
I like how you paired everything in twos. "Bombs" and "mortars" are the things that fall, "torn" and "darkening" describes the sky, and "Deadly" and "autumn" describes the leaves. It's a good use of parallelism, especially in a haiku. 
Titling your poem "War" is a smart way of explaining what is happening without having to explain it in the poem. It provides a setting for the poem.


However, I do find it incredibly short. While some haikus are fine standing by themselves, I believe that this one could be accompanied by one or two more stanzas. The main reason I feel that this poem should be extended is because I don't see a strong connection between bombings and autumn leaves. Are the bombs making the leaves crisp? Or the leaves just part of the setting? I'm not expecting some big explanation, just some kind of connection.
Also, your tag says "why do we refuse to learn from history?" If that is your message of your poem, the poem should incorporate that theme more. Of course, that's my own opinion, and I do enjoy longer poems. 
The rhythm of the haiku seems to be rough. It's fine in the first line, but the second line, mostly with the word "darkening," the rhythm seems off-putting, which throws off the rhythm in the final line. 

Overall, "War" is seems to be a thought-out poem and I enjoyed it.