A Hungry Man
A 100 word 'Drabble'.
Yorkshire born fiction writer and poet ~ Just entered my 30's! ~ Full time Carer for my wife ~
Currently writing a collection of short stories and a lesbian fiction novella.
I love this little piece — very clever. Although, I really hope it isn't just me that is reading the innuendo into him grabbing his banana!!!
But then the twist at the end, of what he's using his "banana" for is a nice twist in the tale and the euphemism switches!
Very good fun!
Omiheavens! I don't think I've howled so much in seventy months (just a stupid saying that just came to mind; but is definitely the truth!) This is priceless! I am assuming you are still living "across the lake." This definitely struck home and is funny as hell, even the "terrible end" of Eddie. At an AA meeting I used to frequent, this woman continually brought "Precious", this vicious little bastard of a Chihuahua. When I went to pet it, it almost took my hand off! I felt like strangling the tiny creep. Well, everyone hated the little thing. Anyways, she went on vacation and let this other friend and group member "pet-sit" little Precious, who apparently bolted out the door while his mother was away and met his end underneath the tires of an oncoming car. We all felt terrible for the pet-sitter, but howled as she told us the story, tears in her eyes (I believe more for herself, and we all identified). I applaud you on this story. What a hoot! If it is true, it's great. If it's imagination, it's even better!
I enjoy silly poems. Nice job.
I thought this an enjoyable read with a clever structure once I got half way through and the story started unravelling. I think that the prom being 'the other day' would work better if it was 'the other week' as funerals take time to prepare for, and it's more realistic that the event happened a few weeks ago rather than just the other day. Also, this gives Nancy enough time to get out of hospital / recover from her own injuries enough to attend in her new wheelchair. I also don't think you need the last line 'I never made it home after prom that night.' Because we have already gathered that by the end — trust in the intelligence of your readers and the success of your storytelling to know we understand what happened without dumbing it down with that last line.
I like the structure and think it worked well to carry the story. Good job.