An observation piece I wrote about love.
Well, happy (belated) Valentine’s Day. I hope everyone had a wonderful day celebrating with your friends, your family, and/or your significant other(s). I personally enjoyed it.
But having been single now since 2010 or so (Gasp! Social suicide!), I find that I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on love. I have come to the conclusion that love is much different today than it was a long time ago.
When I was little, the emotion I felt when my parents or my siblings did things with me and for me, I never really connected it with what people called “love”. One could say that I never really made the connection at first until I was old enough to understand what it was.
That isn’t to say I was completely in the dark about it. I can remember swooning whenever Ariel saw Eric for the first time, or when Belle and the Beast would dance, or when the Carpet made Aladdin and Jasmine kiss.
When my parents eventually separated and divorced, I felt at that young age (I was 10) love was stupid if it didn’t keep people together. But then I realized that love didn’t have to be between a man and a woman; it could be a mother’s love for her child, or a grandparent’s love, etc. I’m glad to say that I had excellent examples to look on.
However, I did have a few crushes. After all, who didn’t?
One that comes to mind was a boy in 5th-grade class.
His name was “Craig”, and all the girls in the fifth-grade section of Fannin Elementary had a crush on him. At the only slumber party, I ever went to with all the girls, all of us agreed he was “so dreamy”.
The only real interaction I had with “Craig” was him knocking me down during a game of speedball, which was a combination of soccer, flag football, and hockey. I recall blacking out before hitting the ground, and then waking up with my BFF at the time Karen kneeling next to me, as well as the coach and a few other people. “Craig” didn’t even stay to see if I was okay. Jerk.
It wasn’t until middle school that I knew what same-sex relationships were. You can thank the airing of the dubbed Sailor Moon S for that. Amara and Michelle? Cousins? Pfft, yeah, right.
That was also when fanfiction opened my eyes to the possibilities of writing about love. But I really didn’t pick up my pen yet.
Then in high school I came out as gay, and I took to writing out my romantic feelings, though Byron or Eliot I was not. Seriously, my first attempts at love poetry were awful. I found one poem that has survived and out-right groaned at what my amorous soul tried to write. I think my hopeless romantic side came into being, then.
Entering college, I never thought of actually being in a real relationship.
That all changed in 2009.
A really great friend of mine, Brian, had a mixer at his house; everyone came dressed in their swimsuits because it was a Hawaiian luau theme, I think.
Anyways, I had drunk a little bit and was engaged in a conversation with another person when I saw a very pretty girl in a…well, actually, I don’t remember what kind of suit she was wearing, but it doesn’t matter. I just noticed how lovely she was.
Perhaps it was the alcohol in my system or something else, but I excused myself from the conversation and went over to her. I introduced myself and asked for her phone number. Then I asked her for her name. For the sake of anonymity, I won’t give her name, but let’s call her She.
The next day, I’d almost forgot I had her number until I found I’d put it on my cell phone. So I texted her and asked her if she would like to go to the movies with me that evening.
She said “yes”.
That night, we both enjoyed the movie, and she drove me home (at the time I was sharing my car with my two siblings). As we said good night, I kissed her on the cheek, and she kissed me back.
After a few more dates, we became an “item”, as the cool kids say. And we had a very loving relationship. We even went on two camping trips together. Cuddling with someone in a sleeping bag is very nice; if you get a chance, you should do it.
But we began to grow apart.
She became busy what with her sister moving back in, and I became busy what with my grandmother beginning to decline mentally. Eventually, we called it ‘quits’, but we remained friends.
A little later, her father decided to move the family back to Kansas. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye…and I still had a little bit of a torch for her.
Was she the one who got away? Maybe.
I bet you’re wondering what exactly my point is. I’m getting to it.
Since my one long relationship, I’ve tried the dating thing. I’ve put up profiles on dating sites. And I have had…interesting dates. So I could say I’ve had a little success.
I do have physical needs, too, therefore, I could be looking for what folks call “casual sex”. Am I going to go so far as to peruse the Personals on Craigslist? Nope. Definitely not.
But you know, there are other kinds of love as I have learned over the years.
The love for family, friends, writing—hell, even the love you have for junk food is fine (though probably not healthy), and it can be good.
Physical needs are important of course, as long as your practice safety. But you need to remember to take care of your personal needs, too—something that I think and feel people have forgotten these days.
Will I find my soul mate one day? I think I will.
Until then, I’ll stick to writing about love. And maybe go on a date or two.
I’m not going to write love poems, though. Never again
“Amor regge senza legge.
*Love reigns without rules*”
–Anonymous Italian saying