Look for the lesson in every scenario...
I look for the lesson in every negative interaction I have in my life.
I choose to seek it out, because I feel that if I’ve gotta go through something crappy, I might as well learn something from it.
Once I’ve calmed myself down, and my feelings about the situation have gone from red to a lighter, more permeable shade, there’s a wealth of knowledge to decipher.
And I’m eager to start the decryption process sooner rather than later.
Working through things this way distracts me from the low-energy emotions I default to when the initial sting comes about. I don’t want to spend too much time feeling crappy so I focus on sorting out the why right away.
I usually feel better when I can make sense of things and learn from them.
I had a pretty terrible interaction recently. It’s not the first time I’ve had a bad experience with this person though: it’s actually my third. And as it stand now, unless there’s some serious personality change, I’m done extending myself.
Harsh? Maybe to some. But I don’t think it’s acceptable to be condescending and rude. I don’t care if you are impatient or have a wildly out of control ego: if someone makes time for you, be kind to them.
There are a lot of people walking around feeling intensely insecure about themselves, which is a really difficult way to exist. And I know it because I lived that out of control ego-life for many years. I know the signs and the feelings intimately, and I can see through people who use bully type tactics to try to boost themselves up.
The struggle is real: a lot of us don’t feel good enough being who we are. We feel the need to spice ourselves up with superficial ingredients in an attempt to be envied or adored.
And all of these efforts revolve around appeasing the little kid inside who doesn’t feel loved.
But you can add any ingredient you want, to whatever degree you fancy: that shit isn’t real. Faux-esteem will not make you happy. And it will f*** up your ability to connect with other people.
Connection Can Heal
If you project enough aggressive arrogance you’re going to lose friends: I lost a ton of ’em that way. But the good news is you can gain them back, and then some.
I’m rooting for everyone: the people who don’t like me, and even the people who are unkind to me. I want us all to be happy and content with who we are, and I want everyone to learn to love and appreciate themselves.
But I won’t stick around for attempted emotional-battery. I’m not going to spend time with people who continually espouses condescending comments, in an attempt to place themselves on some fictitious pedestal. And neither should you.
Being mean is never the answer.
When you learn you grow
Assuming you know everything is a dangerous. Not only does is affect your ability to connect with others, but it damages your spirit.
When you leave no room for new insights or information to come through, you become stagnant.
I get it: it’s hard to float through the world in a haze of peace and contentment and clarity. It takes a lot of f***ing work.
But that doesn’t mean you should give up and go the exact opposite route, spending your days trying to dominate everyone and everything that comes your way.
Don’t be a quitter.
Unless someone asks for your advice, don’t offer it. I know I’m guilty of this too. Ego-formed responses aren’t going to make your spirit happy. Try listening with compassion instead of waiting to dictate what you think someone should do. You’ll feel infinitely better.
Another ego-acknowledging technique: distracting yourself with busy-work. When you overload your schedule in an attempt to convince yourself you are needed, necessary and in demand, you deny yourself the time to work on developing your spirit.
How can you be the best version of you if you don’t work on yourself?
The longer you put off the real work of peeling back the layers on the unproductive and unkind comments and behaviors you advocate, the more lonely and angry you will become.
No one wants to be around someone who is condescending and unnecessarily aggressive. Save for other condescending and aggressive people. And I’m not even sure about that one. Seems to me they’d all get in a huge fight.
The truth is, it’s really OK to be vulnerable.
Andrea Scoretz is a freelance writer, blogger, and poet from Vancouver Island BC. You can read more of her writing via her blog Must Love Crows. Interested in having her write something for you? Head over to her freelance writing website Andrea S Writes