Atheist to A-theist



There will be so many things covered in this book that I can not yet write a short description of what it is about yet, but when it is complete I will..... I think I understand the esoteric meaning of the number 23, I think it is a warning to the world.

BEGINNING OF MY FIRST BOOK — the title is not confirmed but I will post it as a series of blogs until it is either complete or half completed...

In almost an instant, and regarding a nightmare, I put my entire life purpose on hold. I also decided that desire, though I once understood it as an important motivating factor -- is potentially nothing less than a self destructive form of evil, which I will explain further on in the book. It is ironic that I was writing a book about how to find and manifest life's purpose, to then decide I no longer know my purpose (this was temporary but also terrifying and made me for the first time in my life feel terribly alone). That was not all the book was about, it was about the number 23 (like the film, my life LITERALLY became like some weird conspiracy theory- haha lolll). Anyway I would like to ask all people to read my book, it is important. This post is literally just the introduction. The background into what my dream was and what I was doing is important, since it relates to all of the ideas that will unfold throughout this book, I will cover this first. (If you wish to follow my writing my page is called Inside OUT girl.)

Before I began writing the ''how to's'' about knowing life's purpose I was studying it, for at least 3 years. I noticed that those who took both a spiritual and physical journey who claim to receive ''signs'' from the universe are ridiculed in the comment sections of blogs by people who claim to be open minded — this shows that even ''open minded'' people can be rigid in their belief systems.This is especially the case when numerology is concerned. On the basis that there is more we do not know about ourselves than we do, I kept an open mind. Especially so after noticing that nature has numerical patterns. Most of biology has some kind of numerical formula governing it — and we really can't dismiss something as a false belief without evidence, so I wanted to prove it. They say curiosity killed the cat, but being a curious little kitten I decided to follow a spiritual science kind of path. Many term this kind of thing as pseudoscience, yet ironically a lot of people who who term it so — believe in the subconscious mind. I decided, with my strong heart and lack of fear from being labelled insane, that I would test these ideas on myself. I was at the stage where I accepted I was receiving such guidance in the form of numbers and feelings (which took a while since at first I had to question reality — obviously). Eventually I will publish the book in question, but the book I am working on now must be written first. The concept of receiving synchronicity itself relates to how our subconscious mind works, specifically relating to aligning purpose with the subconscious in order to become more open to suggestion. When this is combined with faith, visualization, and other spiritual practices it begins to yield results. I was following a feeling. Every time I completed a guided meditation (which I altered) I found myself in the right place at the right time. ''Bad'' days became good days in disguise. I started noticing synchronicity associated with feeling. Especially with the number 23. In fact my friends joked that I should watch the movie 23, to which I often replied ''I don't watch television, television tells lies to vision.'' Little did I realize that there is a possibility everything in this world tells a lie, or rather there is more than one truth applicable to everything — and its deep. Deeper than I am comfortable with tbh and I generally like to deep....

I started to document the main synchronicity so that when I achieved all my goals I could prove it was real — in order to hopefully benefit the more closed minded. Some would mention that I seemed a little obsessed with the number 23. Some noticed that it really did appear on almost everything. Others would ask if their was a potential that the subconscious mind was just noticing it more. All three statements are truth in their own right. To make a point by example -- the Reticular Activating System of the brain is being taught by many as the gatekeeper to the subconscious mind. This is a LIE!... If anything the emotional memory response is associated not with RAS but with the amygdala in the brain. If the subconscious mind is anything at all is far more likely to be our spiritual or our ''light'' body — but who knows? — we can measure neither!

My goals. One was to become a Science teacher, since this is a practical back up, and will be essential if I am to attempt to learn to live wild/ minimalistically in an attempt to save the world, whilst bringing my children with me.... I wanted to become an international singer of many languages. I am to become a rich and famous singer, I thought this was so that I can share my completed book for free then make a ''better than fair trade'' business in the slums of India, and pay the people who helped me in my journey. It turns out that my sign place ''India'' may in fact relate to the fact that I hope to become a Hopi Indian — or at the very least to help them (which will be written about in a later chapter also). Either way I wanted to earn a lot of money, so that I could give away most of the money, and learn how to survive in the wild, or minimalistically. I felt this was important and if I could learn and teach people how by a good example — being famous I would more easily be able to do so. I had a vision that the whole world might one day live in peace like a God who loved us all would wish. I had some religious knowledge, but I mean God as I thought a God would be, there is no denying that there is a designer of our world. I was sure that the most important aspect of all religions is to believe in God, and to love/ don't harm other people. I was also not sure which religious doctrine to beleive in, since they all claim to be the truth. I noticed that ''bits and bats'' of each religion that I had heard about where similar. Taking mostly this belief, I decided that as long as my intent was to do good I would not go to hell — I also considered that maybe there is no hell since the original word of hell meant death or the destruction of the wicked at the end, or grave (not eternal life) I had no fear of death, and no need to know a religion. Combined with the will to do great things I felt unstoppable in the cause of good, I really always felt I had a calling in life and felt happy and excited every day to wake up and fulfill my dreams. Until I went crazy — here's why

It appears I went insane — why? ... I stopped listening to music. For a short while I considered ALL music to be toxic and indoctrinating, so I cut it out. As someone who could sing before they could talk this worried my family. I have been raised by music, but for about about three weeks I stopped singing and became scared of music. I will explain everything later on in the book, though I am no longer fearful of my own music, this was still important and I will hopefully shed some light on this further down the line. As an introverted extrovert (yes there is such a thing) music offered me comfort when no one could comfort me (because I could not open up). Music offered me expression of feelings of every kind, and it was relate-able. I always loved music therefore I decided I would integrate it into my ''dream life''.

As I said before, synchronicities appeared mostly in the form of number 23, along with dreams about spiders, frogs, wasps and trees. The number 23 had put me in touch with artists across the world, some which are reasonably well established. I had my first chance to sell a song. I was working with an amazing artist and producer that night. In his car there where 223 km when he turned up, the clock on his studio was stuck at 1:23 since about a year before I showed up. The songs he played to me throughout the night also had the 23 synchronicity. I was drinking for the first time in a while. I had been warned in the past that drinking and spirituality do not mix, but me being me I went with a feeling that night. I couldn't help that some things in the house drew my attention, owls, but mostly Marilyn Munro. In a state of seeking to follow my feeling I paused the session and spent around twenty minutes looking for something that related her to this number. I saw that Marylin Munroe has an Andy Warhol art piece with number 23 but I knew this was not it. I scrolled the internet until I found what I felt was right. I said this is the one! — then I opened a link which connected the number 23 to other things which I felt where important but could not link them into the book, such as Star Wars, Egypt, psychic capacity and other numbers. I went home ecstatic!

The following night in around 30-40 minutes after falling asleep I had a horrendous nightmare. By rights I should not have been in REM sleep. In the nightmare I was literally being pulled through a place like earth to witness all the harm I ever caused to the soul of another. I tried to apologise as I passed each person, and as I did the people did not respond, or hear me. Instead they transformed into ''other beings'' and ate my soul, only then to have the same cycle repeat in a similar but more horrific fashion. I eventually said to myself is this hell? Then I asked to get out. In order to get out I was offered freedom by a voice if I did something horrific to my daughter. I refused, and then prayed. I said ''Good lord, I pray to you that whatever I need to do I will do please give me a chance''. I woke up instantly, I was burning up and said the words ''the new title for my book (which was called married to my destiny) will be religion vs spirituality are God and the Devil within us.'' My daughters then woke up. The one who I was asked to torture in my dream had a nightmare that I was trying to kill her (one of my childhood recurrent dreams). My other daughter then had a nightmare which was one of my other childhood nightmares, whereby a clown was coming through the wall to get her. I remember on one occasion when I was young me and my dad woke the same night with this dream. I am living in the house I grew up in and she pictured the dream the same as I did, coming from the same wall in the same room. I was concerned about the title I woke up with. Because in my dream I thought I was in hell I looked up how hell had been described by people who had died and come back to life. The ''dragged through'' feeling, the apologizing with no response, the terrible feelings of shame, and the consumption of the soul where all things that where common in these descriptions — though people who had died and come back to life often told thereafter of a hell fire, which I did not see in my dream. I still found myself a little frightened to say the least. I decided to look into the number 23 and spirituality, to find out how they might be evil. I no longer find the number 23 evil but it will take a book to explain. I will publish the book as a series of blogs before publishing the whole book, if people could follow my writer page, or share the book when it is done that would be great!

I will publish this book as a series of blogs at first. I have recently become a sole trader as a ''writer, cleaner and singer''. I have to work at least 30 hours to qualify for working tax credits because the work does not pay much and am a single parent. If anyone wants me to keep writing more blogs and books a donation through PayPal would be warmly welcomed — which is not set up yet but will be soon. I will keep publishing everything for free because I feel it is important information but the less I have to work the more I can work on these projects.

Here is my writer page :) :

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