Thai Boxing Is A Military Art, Isn't It?

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a satirical piece on Thai box

Yes, I did it and I’m putting this piece in culture because culture it is. Thai boxing is a military art and you can see it being practised in all sorts of unlikely corners of the globe not just here in the land of the Thais. The brains that get damaged and the limbs that get pummelled when it is practised in real earnest keep doctors at work for many days, but it is with particular pleasure that I single out those kiddiwinks I see practising the noble art, whacking themselves and others, jumping high to bring down a tree-branch with a vicious kick, sometimes putting the boot in when a friend falls to the floor. On a good day, you can see hundreds of them walking beside their loving parents and hitting and kicking the air as if it really and truly does offend them! Why, only the other day, I was watching a Muay Thai rough-and-tumble by the swimming pool. A little perisher fell, the referee, a teenage butch girl, let the match continue, and the little blighter was kicked and cuffed into tears. I roared and the match stopped quickly because the little crowd thought I was disapproving but I wasn’t. I was merely roaring with appreciation. When I go into Walking Street* on a lusty evening, anticipating my rampant gropery of dancing girls, and my elephant-beer brain of elephant beerery (and brainery), I am forever ecstasied to see in the ring the little military heroes at it before the big guys get kicking and slapping. These little Thai shrimps must be about seven or eight years old but they sock the old brain box and addle it good and proper, and even if they don’t as some astute wits will be sure to tell me, it can sometimes go wrong and a well-aimed kick to heaven can land near hell, that is in a little guy’s face or kidney or liver. And woe to them when it does!

But it doesn’t matter, does it? It’s custom, culture, tradition, life-style, a way for poor people to make money. It’s imitative, too, and a way to grow up and get kudos, and so only this morning I floored a ten-month-old baby girl and laid her out good and proper on a big bed (see photo). 

It was a scissor-kick-cum-punch to the headpiece and that little blighter is not going to wake up soon. I live in Thailand, I know I am doing right, and the sooner they get it in the neck and in the head the sooner they’ll realise what a great and formidable opponent I am. Though I am almost sixty-six just look at what I did! (see photo again)

just look at what I did!!!

*Walking Street, Pattaya’s main, red-light district

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