Bernie Sanders Was the Man on the Grassy Knoll

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Fact-checking on the far right

Hello, Internet surfers and welcome to the fact-checking page of rightwingnut.org, where all political statements are checked ruthlessly for rigid adherence to the truth.

Today we review Facebook posts by Mary Lou Bruner, who is poised to become a member of the Texas State Board of Education. We were proud to support Mary Lou’s campaign, and still endorse her, but after checking some of her Facebook posts for strict accuracy, we noticed several misstatements.

For example, in one post, Mary Lou claims “Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties... That is how he paid for his drugs.”

We rate this statement as half-true. Obama worked his way through Harvard as a male prostitute, performing unnatural acts for cash with members of the liberal elite who had graduated and started writing the gay agenda. He in fact supported his drug habit by dealing drugs in elementary schoolyards in Chicago.

Mary Lou also said “Many people believe the Democrat Party had JFK killed because the socialists and Communists in the party did not want a conservative president.”

This is unquestionably true, but what Mary Lou failed to reveal is that the mysterious second gunman, generally referred to as “the man on the grassy knoll” on that fateful Dallas day was none other than current Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. At the time, the young Sanders was known to be a decent shot. For a Jew.

In her reading of history, Mary Lou was spot on. “Slavery is not the Reason for the Civil War…Historians waited until all of the people who were alive during the Civil War and the Restoration were dead of old age. THEN HISTORIANS WROTE THE HISTORY BOOKS TO TELL THE STORY THE WAY THEY WANTED IT TOLD.”

We rate this statement true. To this day, few people are aware that all of the Confederate states were preparing to free their slaves and give them all cash, land and farm animals or else a free boat ride back to Africa, when the Union brutally invaded Dixie on a quest to prevent emancipation. It is also not generally known that the Gettysburg Address was originally composed by General Robert E. Lee. A copy of it was found by Union soldiers on the battlefield. They gave it to the scoundrel Lincoln, and he promptly plagiarized it.

Mary Lou weighs in on the biggest lie ever told but again, disappoints when she fails to reveal the whole story: “Climate change has nothing to do with weather or climate, it is all about system change from capitalism (free enterprise) to Socialism-Communism. The Climate Change HOAX was Karl Marx’s idea.”

Those who have read Das Kapital in the original German (which rightwingnut.org has not, believing it unpatriotic to understand any language but English) assure us that a passage that is generally not reprinted in the English versions of Kapital goes as follows:

Machen Sie die herrschenden Klassen glauben, dass sie die Erde zerstören , indem Sie etwas Scheiße überEisbären ertrinken bilden. Die Menschen werden etwas für die Eisbären zu tun *

Also Mary Lou does not sufficiently discredit the biggest climate change phony around, Al Gore, who invented the Internet just so he could start lying about climate change on it. He also grew a beard, which proves he is a Marxist.

But, hey, you all already knew that.

 
*“Make the ruling classes believe they are destroying the Earth by making up some shit about polar bears drowning. People will do anything for polar bears.”

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