We might be the ones initiating this parting of the ways or 'Brexit', we blame it on the intolerable cruelty we've had to suffer from our soon to be Euro ex's.. To plagiarise Monty Python 'What have the Europeans ever done for us?
There is a strange phenomenon that occurs when a relationship comes to an end. After the tears the tantrums and the self reflection. Whilst the boys will probably be reacquainting themselves with pubs, babe station and the weekly five aside matches.
The girls adopt a far more calculated reassessment of their lives. They don't look back they move forward. It's a gym membership, healthy diet plan and of course a makeover or in this case what hairdressers like to call a 'Breakover' . Seeing their Ex. With a new look And a body beautiful. Is usually enough to have the boys crying into TV dinners and flat beer.
I present this analogy as a suggestion to who ever our future PM 'May' be In a few weeks time. We might be the ones initiating this parting of the ways or 'Brexit', we blame it on the intolerable cruelty we've had to suffer from our soon to be Euro ex's.. To plagiarise Monty Python a lot of people might say good riddance, 'What have those Europeans ever done for us?' ( This is a hypothetical question only intended for comic effect, and will not be responded to in any correspondence).Europhiles would give a big list summed up as 'Loads of stuff'. Eurosceptics would say that they were control freaks who created insolvable problems summed up as 'Nothing' therefore it's over we just couldn't take it anymore.
Like the end of any bad romance it's all starting to turn nasty. Our former lovers over at the European Parliament have engaged the finest legal minds to try and screw every last Euro owed out of us. We on the other hand dialled an 0800 number someone must have seen on daytime TV and got 'Brexit 4 U' the no win no fee firm who have enshrined the phrase 'We're not to blame so there's no claim.
Naturally our continental ex's are raging, and banging on about how they've given us the best years of our lives, and how we'll be sorry. But now that we've found the courage to walk away Perhaps this would be a good time to give their pompous noses one final tweak, and do what any self respecting other party would do and give the country a 'Brex-over'. Let's spruce ourselves up and show those Latin lothario's just what a prize they've lost.
A new look UK is bound to wind up those European countries who have up until now liked to take advantage. Some might say we've been far to free with our favours, so they'll be shocked to find we will no longer be the easy touch won over by cheap wine and Olive Oil.
Like any divorce, money will play a big factor. All this stress and uncertainty has already left us looking a little bit lighter especially around the pocket and wallet area. But a new unattached and slimline UK, is certain to make us far more attractive to potential suitors. Our new Latin lovers may be more Latin American than the familiar Italian stallions we are used to.
Jealousy is a terrible thing and I wonder how long it will be before our ex's start texting messaging and making under the table moves, suggesting we get back together again. Those at the Euro top table will probably be comforting themselves claiming we'll come crawling back, and back home theirs always a Dads Army Private Fraser or is it Private Sturgeon who will shouting to anyone who will listen, 'we're Doomed'
Maybe we should take the Popes advice. He suggested that the two parties should get some independent counselling to ease some of the Pre split tensions. Or maybe we should just walk away and keep on walking. Sticks and stones from random Europhiles won't hurt anyone. Remember when Barack Obama threatened us with a warning about the consequences of voting to leave, and we all know where that got him.
Starting over is never easy. Especially when our former partners say they won't do business with us. It's all heat of the moment stuff. It's what people do when they break up. With our new look we should feel confident, after all we have yet to play our 'Trump' card. No I'm not talking about taking up with Donald, It's what's known as our 'Soft Power' that will win us the day. When we roll out the Queen, and announce a Royal wedding. Tell them One Direction are reforming, and remind them their are two more series of Line Of Duty in the pipeline it won't take much to get those Euro doubters rolling over and inviting us to tickle their tummys.
So let's get down the gym book the makeover and start smartening ourselves up. Poor Europe they won't know what's hit them.