*HALLOWEEN IN OZARK*

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Opening scene to Halloween in OZARK. A comedy about Halloween in a small town.

INT. SUPERMARKET (PRODUCE SECTION) — DAY

MS CANTERBURY (mid-thirties, librarian-type) shops for produce, and tries to conceal her methods of finding the perfect grapefruit.

MS CANTERBURY selects two and smiles for a job well done before placing them carefully in the basket. 

MS CANTERBURY glides her pencil down the list and checks off grapefruits before scanning down to cucumbers.

MS CANTERBURY looks for the cucumber stand and sees VIVIAN (early forties, retro chic, absolute stunner) also looking at the cucumbers.

MS CANTERBURY attempts to take interest in the cabbages to her left, keeping her eye on VIVIAN, hoping she will move on but it is no use.

MS CANTERBURY approaches the cucumber stand with a growing look of disdain for the woman she will soon be forced to converse with.

VIVIAN looks for cucumbers. VIVIAN is unaware of MS CANTERBURY approaching.

MS CANTERBURY realizes that VIVIAN's cart is impeding the general flow of traffic.

MS CANTERBURY passively gets within range and when the moment is right, aggressively clips VIVIAN's cart, causing more noise than damage.

VIVIAN

Oh, Ms Canterbury. You startled me. I didn't see you.

MS CANTERBURY

Yes well, you should move your cart out of the way so people can get by. This is a major lane for transportation through this area.

Vivian scans the produce section and sees everyone shopping, minding their own business.

VIVIAN

Yeah, I'll try and be more careful.

MS CANTERBURY

Are you almost done, I'm in a bit of a hurry.

VIVIAN

Oh, yeah sorry let me make some room for you here.

VIVIAN moves her cart. MS CANTERBURY edges closer.

MS CANTERBURY tries to take VIVIAN's spot.

MS CANTERBURY

Thank you.

The two women inspect several cucumbers for firmness and scent while making small talk.

VIVIAN

So how's your day going?

MS CANTERBURY

Fine.

MS CANTERBURY thinks she has a good cuke and looks to get out of small talk. She stops after finding a spot and puts the cuke back, momentarily acknowledging defeat.

MS CANTERBURY (CONT'D)

How have you been?

VIVIAN

Oh, it's a beautiful autumn day. Little trick or treaters are right around the corner. I couldn't be better.

MS CANTERBURY

That's good.

VIVIAN

Yeah. Don't you just love Halloween?

MS CANTERBURY selects a cucumber and hastily places it in her cart.

MS CANTERBURY

Not particularly, no.

VIVIAN

MS CANTERBURY

Well, good day.

VIVIAN

Yeah, you too.

INT. SUPERMARKET (DAIRY SECTION) — DAY

ROGER (fifteen, thin, kind of artsy/nerdy) and his father DR. ROBERTSON (tall, thin, definitely nerdy) are looking over the contents in their shopping cart.

DR. ROBERTSON

Okay Roger what else do you think we need here, we've got candy to hand out to trick or treaters, plenty of beverages-

ROGER

Dad, no kid is going to want black licorice.

DR. ROBERTSON

Why not? What's wrong with those?

ROGER

I don't care. Are we done yet?

DR. ROBERTSON

Hey. You know what they flavor black licorice with don't you?

ROGER

What?

DR. ROBERTSON

Anise.

DR. ROBERTSON gives ROGER a minute to put it together.

Dr. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

Get it?

DR. ROBERTSON laughs a bit.

DR. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

Do you get it? Tell your friends about that one.

ROGER

I get it Dad, can we go now?

DR. ROBERTSON

What's the matter with you?

ROGER

I'm just ready to get out of here.

DR. ROBERTSON

You aren't going out tomorrow are you?

ROGER

I'm not sure. Maybe.

DR. ROBERTSON

Why don't you just stay home?

ROGER

Because that's lame!

DR. ROBERTSON

Come on, we'll watch the old sci/fi classics, hand out some candy, it'll be fun.

ROGER rolls his eyes with frustration.

DR. ROBERSTSON just wants to have a good time and bond with his son a little.

Dr. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

I'll let you pick out some beer if you want.

ROGER

Dad, I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

DR. ROBERTSON

Well, I'd much rather have you stay home and just do something around the house. I don't trust the drugs you kids come up with these days.

ROGER

Dad, I'm not going to do drugs okay?!

DR. ROBERTSON

Do you want some pot?

ROGER sighs and looks away in frustration.

DR. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

Do you kids even smoke pot anymore?

VIVIAN walks up and looks in the dairy coolers.

ROGER and DR. ROBERTSON both take a look.

VIVIAN lets the cooler door rest on her hip as she checks the milk cartons for a good expiration date.

DR. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

Good Golly.

ROGER

You should see her daughter.

VIVIAN grabs two gallons of milk and manages a carton of rice milk in the same trip back to her cart.

DR. ROBERTSON sees VIVIAN struggle with the items and steps in to assist.

DR. ROBERTSON

(Taking a chance)

Those are some big jugs you got there.

ROGER is now thoroughly embarrassed.

VIVIAN is caught by the comment and laughs.

Dr. ROBERTSON (CONT'D)

Here, let me help you with those.

DR. ROBERTSON takes the gallons of milk and walks with VIVIAN back to her cart.

VIVIAN

Oh, thanks.

DR. ROBERTSON places the milk in VIVIAN's cart.

DR. ROBERTSON

I'm Dr. Robertson, Roger's Dad.

VIVIAN

Vivian, Veronica's Mom.

DR. ROBERTSON and VIVIAN shake hands.

DR. ROBERTSON

Nice to meet you.

VIVIAN

Nice to meet you too. Well, Dr. Robertson — what are you a doctor of?

DR. ROBERTSON adjusts his glasses.

DR. ROBERTSON

Advanced physics.

VIVIAN

Wow, cool.

INT. SUPERMARKET (BABY FOOD AISLE) — DAY

ROXANNE (sixteen, pin-up girl fashion, a real looker) and RICHIE (seventeen, thin, punk rock style) aimlessly walk down the aisle.

ROXANNE

I'm so bored. What are we gonna do tomorrow?

RICHIE

I don't know.

ROXANNE realizes they are in the baby aisle.

ROXANNE

What are we doing in this aisle?

RICHIE

Do you even remember what baby food tastes like?

ROXANNE quits walking.

ROXANNE

Well what's the label say?

RICHIE grabs a can.

RICHIE

It just says carrots.

ROXANNE goes back to walking.

ROXANNE

Well then that's probably what it taste like then.

RICHIE stands there a minute thinking.

RICHIE

Why would a baby care about carrots? Don't they eat breast milk?

ROXANNE

Well yeah but they get that from the teat.

ROXANNE cups her breast and gives it a couple squeezes.

ROXANNE bumps her eyebrows at RICHIE and gets walking again.

RICHIE

Oh yeah. Awesome.

INT. SUPERMARKET (CHECKOUT LANE) — DAY

ROXANNE and RICHIE approach the checkout line. CARL, (tall, big boned) from school is there in his work smock, donning a hockey mask in spirit of Halloween.

ROXANNE and RICHIE glance but the comedy of this moment is their acceptance of the situation.

RICHIE

(To CARL)

How's it goin'?

CARL

(In character)

Uuuugggghhh.

ROXANNE

(To Richie)

Maybe we'll just hang out at the park. It's either that or something lame like hangin' out at my parents place passing out candy.

RICHIE

We could hang out in the bushes and scare the crap out of the kids after your mom gives them candy.

ROXANNE

(dramatic)

I'm only interested in one thing if we're gonna be hiding out behind the bushes.

ROXANNE looks at CARL. She said it more for the audience anyway.

CARL

(In character)

Did you find everything okay?

RICHIE

(Ignoring the costume)

Yeah, thanks.

ROXANNE is looking for a comment now.

ROXANNE

No, where's the KY at?

An OLD WOMAN behind ROXANNE winces in disgust at the comment.

ROXANNE (CONT'D)

Oh, sorry lady. It's either that or I'd be in here buying pregnancy tests all the time.

The OLD WOMAN shakes her head.

RICHIE

So what do you got goin' on for Halloween Carl?

CARL

(In character)

UUuugghhh.

RICHIE

Come on Carl, I know it's you. At least that's what your name tag says.

CARL

(In character)

Carl is dead.

ROXANNE

That's too bad. Because I always thought Carl was pretty sexy. And with that mask on, I'd fuck him right here on the counter.

CARL

(In character)

Uuuuggghhh.

ROXANNE

Why do you keep saying that?

ROXANNE leans over the counter and takes a peek.

You got someone down below there with you?

The OLD WOMAN groans in disgust and shakes her head again.

ROXANNE looks back at the OLD WOMAN, then smiles at CARL and RICHIE.

 

© 2016 Craig Mrock

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