Break

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A description of the realisation of separation

I sit down to write

with fear and trepidation

not knowing what will come out.

Will it be the monster

or the lover?

Will I be dad this time?

Will I write peace and beauty

or turmoil and heart break?

This empty canvas goads and taunts me,

even before the sun has risen,

while all of my babies lie asleep and peaceful.

 

My pulse quickens and the unease in my viscera

threatens to convulse into a terrible shock wave of

fear and nausea... overwhelming.

 

-------------------------------

 

...and I said to her that she

was like a bottomless cup

into which

I can pour

my entire

self

safe 

in the knowledge

that not a single drop

of me 

would be spilled...

 

...and then the tears came

and the sobbing wracked my body,

and the pain tore through me

like a semi-trailer through a shanty.

Pure destructive pain.

 

L

O

S

S

 

...and then something else entirely,

my body contracted and contorted,

and all my muscles clenched,

and that pain became physical.

And it gripped me for an unbearable moment

while my wife watched, in shock.

And it left me breathless,

...euphoric...

coming

               down

like a feather

   f l o a

      t

i

      n

             g

returning to blissful reality

from that exquisite ecstasy of suffering.

 

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