A description of the realisation of separation
I sit down to write
with fear and trepidation
not knowing what will come out.
Will it be the monster
or the lover?
Will I be dad this time?
Will I write peace and beauty
or turmoil and heart break?
This empty canvas goads and taunts me,
even before the sun has risen,
while all of my babies lie asleep and peaceful.
My pulse quickens and the unease in my viscera
threatens to convulse into a terrible shock wave of
fear and nausea... overwhelming.
...and I said to her that she
was like a bottomless cup
I can pour
in the knowledge
that not a single drop
would be spilled...
...and then the tears came
and the sobbing wracked my body,
and the pain tore through me
like a semi-trailer through a shanty.
Pure destructive pain.
...and then something else entirely,
my body contracted and contorted,
and all my muscles clenched,
and that pain became physical.
And it gripped me for an unbearable moment
while my wife watched, in shock.
And it left me breathless,
like a feather
f l o a
returning to blissful reality
from that exquisite ecstasy of suffering.