I wrote this poem to use as an example I could use with students on using poetry to retell stories. I mixed up the rhyming patterns for each stanza on purpose, but I didn't worry about any other set structure. I'm partially pleased with the results, but I need feedback. Please comment.
In a woodland dwelt a bedeviled nymph
Who could only repeat what others would speak.
The vengeful curse strong, her submissive resistance weak;
Other’s words she’d involuntarily follow with a hollow Echo.
One dewy spring day a fair young man dropped by
Fully haggard and thirsty from an impassioned hunt.
He dropped to his knees, drank from the riverfront;
Was instantly enamored by the charm in front of his eyes.
Drawn to his graces, Echo was instantly enthralled.
The youth’s rugged attraction surpassed any in the land
Unable to speak, she concocted a scheme. This was her plan;
Some branches she’d break, and that would be her call.
“Who’s there?” Inquired the lad, spellbound by the face in the water.
Echo, granted the fortune to speak, chanted back to him “who’s there?”
The young man about-faced but simply could not see
Sweet Echo who was slyly obscured by some trees.
“Come here,” he summoned to the stranger in the woods.
“Come here,” a soft, sultry voice recited his words.
Irked by the mocking games the furtive female played,
The swain circled back to the water, and into eyes of pure power gazed.
Bewitched by the robust beauty in the brook
The young man smiled, winked and sighed, “you’re lovely.”
A sweet-tempered Echo in his ears replied, “you’re lovely.”
The convincing, whispered witness he freely took.
The wood nymph collecting some much-needed courage
Found herself poised at the heels of the man
Who turned abruptly, and “go away” his bold demand.
So “go away” she cried--dejected and discouraged.
The man returned his gaze and praise to the watery stranger
And there spent the remainder of his days on earth.
On those water banks occurred the epic birth
Of flowers now named Narcissus
To remind us to not let self worth
Lead to a life cut off from hugs and kisses.