This piece is almost a year old, but it's kind of funny. It made me laugh, anyway.
Tired of getting haircuts, wearing clothes, tired of bras
And paperclips and soda and headaches.
Tired of commuting to work.
Tired of music.
Tired of thinking about ways to decorate the house.
Tired of shoelaces and trash cans and noise
Lower back pain in symphony with
A twisting hip,
The heat, the AC blasting in my face,
The gritty gravel grinding on the bottom of my foot
and how it got into my shoe and how I will never know
because I’m too busy scooping dog poop
and being accused by presumptuous, unintelligent neighbors
of not scooping my dog’s poop when I am literally holding a bag of dog shit in my hand.
Tired of the HOA.
Tired of the doctor.
Tired of thinking maybe I have skin cancer,
or maybe I am almost 40
and my skin is just fucking ugly now!
Tired of never getting to eat ice cream
then eating too much of it thinking it will be liberating and wonderful
and discovering it’s either
or extreme sport self-loathing.
Tired of wondering if I should get a better-paying job
then finding my resume and never updating it
then deciding I don’t want another job
because this one lets me have almost two weeks off at Christmas
Tired of waiting all year long
for Christmas to come.
Tired of missing my coworker who quit
who used to say “it’s Christmas dumb dumb!”
Tired of writing terrible poetry
and not writing songs anymore,
and thinking of another way to sing
“You are furry and tiny and snuggly and cute and you have a spotty hiney”
to my dog.
Tired of giving my dog chemo pills
and taking her to the vet every single month
just to be told she is doing well and to keep giving her chemo pills
even though her lymph nodes aren’t swollen anymore.
I think I might have pink eye
but I can’t see without my contacts to drive,
Even though I’m tired of driving,
tired of other drivers
and incessant road construction
projected to be completed two to twenty years from now.
In one month
I will be forty.
In 13 months, forty-one.
In a lifetime, what I have to show for it
is a dead body
and a garbage can that smells like dog shit.