"I could have been aware of and grateful for this blessed life... I could have been happy." — while breathing the bitter earth


I could have been the street child begging on the street,

handing envelopes in jitneys for alms,

cleaning cars for a few penny,

selling sampaguita, cigarettes, candies and

cold bottled water for a living

while the traffic light is red

and when it turned green

got hit by a rushing PUV.


I could have been the girl who got pregnant at 16

who rebel against her family

because there's so much restrictions,

she can't have what she want,

she can't have what others have,

she feel unloved

and don't belong.


I could have been the girl at 18 who joined some wild night party,

got drugged and raped by boys she can't name,

men she don't know

or woke up with a sex video

where she's the woozy star of the show.


I could have been the girl who got married at 25 or 30,

then have children,

who works non-stop for family

if not a battered wife

or a jilted one,

or replaced by a mistress;

if not divorced,

then got married again,

got added children

got divorced again,

still works non-stop for family.


I could have been the girl who didn't get a degree,

who didn't dream high, just wants to live simply, go with the flow

who works for most of the day, 24/7,

for a measly salary

and then find another job

when 6 months to a year work contract ends

then find another job

again and again

again and again

until she's grown older, eyes grew dimmer, mind and body sicker

not to qualify for anything better.


I could have been the girl who got depressed, got so sick of life,

took unholy amount of pills to pardon herself from active solitude and darkness,

or cut her wrist

or blow her head because something or someone breaks her heart,

break it unrepairably.


I was 10 and now I'm 40.

Still, I'm wond’rin’ what happened in between.








A/N: "I was 10 but I'm not yet 40. I just absorbed someone else's life for this poem. Thanks for reading!" :)

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