"I could have been aware of and grateful for this blessed life... I could have been happy." — while breathing the bitter earth
I could have been the street child begging on the street,
handing envelopes in jitneys for alms,
cleaning cars for a few penny,
selling sampaguita, cigarettes, candies and
cold bottled water for a living
while the traffic light is red
and when it turned green
got hit by a rushing PUV.
I could have been the girl who got pregnant at 16
who rebel against her family
because there's so much restrictions,
she can't have what she want,
she can't have what others have,
she feel unloved
and don't belong.
I could have been the girl at 18 who joined some wild night party,
got drugged and raped by boys she can't name,
men she don't know
or woke up with a sex video
where she's the woozy star of the show.
I could have been the girl who got married at 25 or 30,
then have children,
who works non-stop for family
if not a battered wife
or a jilted one,
or replaced by a mistress;
if not divorced,
then got married again,
got added children
got divorced again,
still works non-stop for family.
I could have been the girl who didn't get a degree,
who didn't dream high, just wants to live simply, go with the flow
who works for most of the day, 24/7,
for a measly salary
and then find another job
when 6 months to a year work contract ends
then find another job
again and again
again and again
until she's grown older, eyes grew dimmer, mind and body sicker
not to qualify for anything better.
I could have been the girl who got depressed, got so sick of life,
took unholy amount of pills to pardon herself from active solitude and darkness,
or cut her wrist
or blow her head because something or someone breaks her heart,
break it unrepairably.
I was 10 and now I'm 40.
Still, I'm wond’rin’ what happened in between.
A/N: "I was 10 but I'm not yet 40. I just absorbed someone else's life for this poem. Thanks for reading!" :)