Trying to make sense of being omitted from familial love.
I will take their frequent silences
As a reminder to myself
That I am easily forgotten
That nothing I do will change them.
I brought them out and helped them shine
Then I am left alone to polish mine
But thoughts run rampant in an empty house
Where I'm left alone to figure them out
With no sanity injected by outside minds
Only a history of loneliness in my life
But I always try to take care of me
To the best of my ability
Sobering up, writing it down
I find a way to smile up the frown
But their cutting words slice very deep
As if they look down at me
If they even look at all at me
Not thinking about my feelings
It pushes me back into my brooding den
Where I harbor feelings,
And try to think about safer things
Things that don't include them
Or their attempts to omit me
I must be a burden, see?
Why else would they ignore my pleas
Just to be a part of their lives
It hurts, my god, it really hurts...
So I will use the thought of distances
To heal amid this perpetual loss,
Return to a happier state, no less
Knocked down often, I confess
It hurts my knees and then my head
But I will always get back up, again.
I always have, and I always will
But the truth is cold, it hurts to feel
Yet I always find I am happier
When I am alone
And yet so much sadder
In this empty home.