Fall

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This piece is in reference to the experience and process of watching a loved one pass away from terminal cancer.

Fall

 

A moment casts a new life

Unwritten

As I wait in those stilled white halls

The door just ajar

I hear the judgment come down

Six months to wait

For death

Suffocating, quiet, the misdirected calm

All the while

Screams are unfolding in my now cavernous recesses

For what lies ahead cannot be chosen

My voice is silenced

There is much more to carry now

The air is heavy

 

Ah, the sweetness of denial

For then

The leaves still rustle as we walk through the woods

The water still cools as we breach the smooth blue

The words still breathe into me a modern day

Now soon, will be, all a memory

For the ticks on the clock are the same

 

Such a hallowed chapter

But a mischievous lie

To the wars that stretch ahead,

To the savage beast that was

Once merely an evil whisper

Turning

Showing its true vile character

I see you clearly now

With every breath I hated you

For the pain

I prayed in refusal of you

I wept

For all of us

Hidden, for there was enough suffering

 

You have taken the balance

On this I am unforgiving,

It is in disgust I grant the

Only irrefutable aftermath,

A sour gift it was

By nature two-fold

At once forever held in check

Yet in sync with a virgin condition

 

There was no fork in the road

No choice for my feet on your path

So forthwith, I must create a new artery

For my life to pulse,

A reworking of my soul,

To fall gently into

A newborn odyssey

Where I will undoubtedly carry some ghostly scars

 

I won’t live here anymore

Perhaps into my conspired utopia

I’ll bring with me a diversion,

A joyful reminiscence,

A stunning and prodigious relay,

Into a spacious easy freedom

Where my untried call

Is native

 

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