Britain’s not great, the country is betaSmaller than Sweden, Slovenia’s neater.No seat in the hall with the Germans or French,They’re saving a space for Greece on their bench. UK’s picked last for the big football gameNot &ls...
Britain’s not great, the country is beta
Smaller than Sweden, Slovenia’s neater.
No seat in the hall with the Germans or French,
They’re saving a space for Greece on their bench.
UK’s picked last for the big football game
Not ‘cause we’re shit, but because they’re ashamed.
The Czechs saw us kicking the vending machine
Trying to get something for free, unseen.
Britain’s not popular, but it’s not quite a loner,
Denmark and Luxemburg quietly sidle over
At after hours military manoeuvres club,
Hosted by a fat American schlub.
Picking on the new kids, Latvia and Romania,
“Stay off our playground or we’ll be sure to tell on ya.
Our tuition bought it so find somewhere else.”
The school put it in for everyone’s good health.
Good old grandma packed hand sanitizer -
We don’t want any germs from Cyprus or Estonia
I’ll throw away my sandwiches wrapped in tin foil
And buy Belgian chips cooked in Spanish oil.
We don’t even live in the right catchment area,
Why do we share assemblies with Bulgaria?
Why not move into private education?
With Soviet oligarchs and the Chinese nation.
Let’s leave school at the end of the year,
We don’t want to listen to our parents decisions here.
We’ll scrawl ‘Wankers’ across our final test
And teach ourselves, because we know best.