My Silence is Your Protection

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post-traumatic stress disorder

You muse, eyes watching me thriftily

Seeing the fragile wall that screens my true state

Searching for a  glimmer of what occupies my mind

I can never allow that to happen

My silence is your protection

You must never know of the horrors

The things I witnessed

The things I did

The madness of war

The fight to be normal

What you see is a poorly constructed act

My head is like a dysfunctional compass

Turning in all directions

Tangled and confused

Appalling visions

Imagery rising from the murky swamps of a damaged mind

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Rending my heart and soul

My new sworn enemy

 

I try to recall, remember who I was

Did I smile?

Did I laugh?

Did I converse ... a sociable creature?

Did I hold you in my arms?

Did I profess my undying love?

My memories are poisoned

By human tragedy

You should take off

Leave me

Fall into the arms of another

I can't be the person you want me to be

He is long gone

Decayed

Dead

My psyche is infested with death

When I look into your eyes ...

I see right through you

I see bloodshed

I see indescribable suffering

Yes ... you must leave

You deserve better

 

I sit by a roaring log fire

And gaze without blinking

Hands trembling

Bottom lip quivering

Words whispering

The room is silent

You are no longer here

Probably married

I'm happy for you

It was for the best

For I continue to see awful things

I scream until my lungs are ready to collapse

 

 

 

 

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