Shades of You 3 (of 3)

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A nonlinear piece of the deep ins and outs of Your life...The Future.

Shades of You III
By Christopher Michael Carter


You’re an old, old man
You’ve been married four or five times
Despite saying you’d never get married again 
After the first fell through
You’re alone again
You miss everyone you’ve lost
Even those that ruffled your feathers
Your art left you long ago
You’ve held onto enough to get by
Enough to let you breathe
Enough to keep your heart beating
You have room for regret
But you don’t have it in you anymore
Your past is larger than your future
But if you keep holding on to everything, you’ll never smile again
You want to smile
You want to laugh
Of all your potential regrets
You regret not doing so more often before now
You were so angry in your youth
Holding yourself back when your peers were enjoying life
And now you’re too old to do so
You’re in your final days
You reminisce on the smiles you’d seen
And the smiles you’d caused
You don’t realize the smiles at the time
But you see them now in hindsight
The line you’ve been standing in is getting shorter
Thinning out
And now it’s time to let go
Let go of all the anger, regret, and worries
It’s time to be thankful of everything 
Thankful for opportunities that you had 
Regardless of the ones you squandered
Your finger has a permanent indention from all the various wedding rings
As the indention in your mind from what they all meant at the time
No
No reason to regret anything
It all happened
Decisions were made whether or not you were proud of them
Executive decisions
Like the one you have now
To let go or to not let go
You can live the rest of your life thinking about what was
Or you can try to smile and laugh while you can
All the women you’ve loved over time have long forgotten you
You’ve lost many friends
The ones still here are in similar situations as you
Your parents left long ago 
Upon your mother’s passing you felt the orb connection one last time
And the first since you were a small boy
Yet upon your father’s death 
You had no recollection of the time you spent in his vessel
Let alone the moving from one orb into another for incubation
Yes
It’s sad that our memories only go back so far
And yours have been fading for years
You still remember the girl from the grocery store
A look shared between the two of you
And how afraid you were of not being good enough for her
She’s been happily married for decades and hasn’t thought of you once
As far as you know that is
Her grandchildren have families of their own
While you haven’t any grandchildren to speak of
Even though you blew it long ago, you hope her years have been full of laughter and love
Your breath shortens and it’s time to rest
Your eyelids blink before they close in finality
Everything you’ve ever loved or cared about appears as a multi layered collage
The lights dim darker and darker
A contrast to the lights that blinded you upon entering this world
Alone again
You’re at peace
No more regrets
Those who will remember you, will
And those who won’t, won’t
You loved all that you allowed yourself to
If there’s another life down the line
Perhaps you’ll allow yourself to reach out more
And stop holding back

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