I wasn't raised by my biological Mum. Her parents were my Mum and Dad.
Thursday, tenth of July 2014, 13.02
You did not say much because they said you couldn’t.
You could not laugh because they said you shouldn’t.
Your two worlds were disconnected.
The external reality and the black hole of your internal catastrophe where you were subjected,
Subjected to another world where the mental torturer ruled.
Did you fall through a gap, crack or run around being played by the tyrants in your pack?
There was a no man’s land, a facade of nothing while everyone full of should and shouldn’ts couldn’t reach you with the ordinary peer pressuring attack.
The mental sadist, a geezer of rage spat fireworks and hid rockets of flames.
No woman’s land was worse; a terrifying place
You were more or less burnt on the stake and demonised by the normality of the day, a terrible fate.
You were trapped; defeated, alone and waiting to be greeted by a hundred stones.
Your superhero had long gone to turn the TV onto a sitcom with a lighter tone.
Reality was bizarre; your inner self didn’t understand the language of their world
You’d have needed a spaceship to reach them assuming you’d be bothered.
Every now and then a light would shine brighter than bright when we met.
Your eyes would see something I saw and we’d meet by candlelight.
In a moment we were one; laughing hysterically inside while singing a similar song.
It was our little world without speaking; we were together.
In tune with each other; a harmony of mother and daughter
We were turned into sisters and put on the altar but we couldn’t be separated
Not really. Hello seriously!
How could either of us explain the absurdity of the insane?
You the scapegoat bah queen mad; taking all the blame
While secretly the Gods of our parents rotted inside with shame and projected it out because they were not strong enough to take the pain.
I don’t blame them any more because they need as much compassion as they didn’t know any better and kindness was rationed.
Those were the days Mum; that’s what we had.
I’m sorry I didn’t learn sooner and cuddle you,
Then I just didn’t know how to.
If you were here now I’d cope with the awkwardness of how cuddling you felt.
I’d mindfully give you the biggest hug you’d ever experienced because you were one pure being who I feel smiling in my heart forever Mum.
I remember your face seeing me drive but not really understanding anything much about being functionally alive
Regardless of the trauma experienced you will always be number Mum and we will always be one
and I can’t stop speaking up in society about you because you mean so much to me