Guilty

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Just take one look at me and know that I’m guilty These fake smiles, false treatiea Treat me like a fool, an ignorant fool, I must be you see the truth has schooled me less frantic rhetoric more sickeningly accurate leaving me grasping at straw-men, like, god-men I say Amen I’m not religious

Just take one look at me and know that I’m guilty

These fake smiles, false treaties

Treat me like a fool, an ignorant fool, I must be

you see the truth has schooled me

less frantic rhetoric more sickeningly accurate

leaving me grasping at straw-men,

like, god-men

I say Amen

I’m not religious

But I’ve gotten on my knees a couple times and begged for forgiveness

you see I must have sinned sometime

So I should be blamed

and I’m so sorry for trying to slip these chains

I was trying to pretend I didn’t need them

Trying to forget that I’m a problem

Begin a new day with a clean slate

But I caught the mirror looking at me today,

And I gotta say that when our eyes met

I’ve never felt more disconnected

So shut the fuck up about bad luck from broken mirrors

I wanted it to shatter, I wanted it to break like me

only

Into smoother pieces

so fitting the edges together isn’t like fighting demons

cause when I speak my own name it tastes like someone else’s blood

It slips from my lungs twists my tongue

And leaves me gasping, gasping

where is the air?

I’ve prayed for a fresh breath of it.

But I'm left choking on the smoke of fear and lost passion

And I'm a fraction of the man I used to believe I could be

Grasping at modifiers and adjectives like they could somehow define me

And yes, I try to breathe, I try to believe in redeeming qualities

Like love, and compassion, but let’s be rational

Some sins can’t be repented away or cleansed in a savior’s blood

They can only be worn like a burden, like grief

Admitting you're guilty!

A least thats the way it was taught to me

See I was born on my knees

Raised an apology

Told

"Watch where you cast those stones

Remember this isn't your home

You're just stealing the oxygen

Stop trying to fight

You know what? You're lucky to even be alive"

It was then that I learned to survive

To stay silent, to steady my hands

To apologize again and again and again and

I know it's not easy, I know its not right

Its just I learned how to silently bleed at night

So now I'm still stuck in this silence that’s hard to escape

And when I speak people say that my words hold no weight

So, I apologize, I’m sorry

I lack the tone necessary to move these metaphors or mountains

So I'll move my mouth and these feet

And I will speak in apologies

I'll get on my knees

And I promise this time

To remember I'm guilty

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