Survivor's Guilt

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Letting go of those you've left behind is a hard transition.

 

It’s been a while since I slept on the floor

near my mother's bed and ate sugar and bread for dinners

Yes, I’m remember

You see those where the times when keeping my eyes on the prize

was a long shot

like putting a coin in a slot

I had little chance of becoming a winner

Yep, those day are long gone

Now I sleep on a king size mattress in a room of my own and eat whatever I want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

But I don't feel joy, I’m still not happy

I've got survivor guilt

I've got a deep sense of guilt which is combined often

with feelings of numbness and loss of interest in life

felt by those who have survived some catastrophe event

You see I’ve endured and matured while my folk are left at home stagnate

I decided to jump in the ocean and swim to the other side

just to show them that they can do it too

And believe me it wasn’t easy

because just like them, no one taught me how to swim

I first began fighting to stay afloat until I found my stroke

the winds blew in every direction but I fought hard and developed endurance

found a wave to ride upon and escaped the current

Final I made it to the other side

where the voice of despair echoed no more

The water is still now, I had finally made it to shore

But just when I began to smile and allow the excitement to swallow me

I turned around and realized no one had followed me

My folks just sat at the edge of the bank and watched me struggle to make it to the other side

They never realized 

I only risked my life so that they would survive

But instead they chose to remain on land that will soon be gone

as I sit hear crying on this island I have to live on alone

they are the reason I am alive

now it appears

I have to find another reason to survive.

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