Falling off the Wagon

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FALLING OFF THE WAGON     the wind changes and the air fills with a scent of the past a rich yeasty pure kind of smell the smell of sex and calm and with it the memory of the absence of shaking hands and wild thoughts   trouble...

FALLING OFF THE WAGON

 

 

the wind changes and the air fills with a scent of the past

a rich yeasty pure kind of smell

the smell of sex and calm and with it the memory

of the absence of shaking hands and wild thoughts

 

troubles build and the world changes

always the same things but in a different house

in a different town, a different year

 

that first can is arctic cold

the next so soothing

the third a blessing

the fourth a dream

the fifth a revelation

the sixth a taste of yesterday

the seventh a little bland but the throat is blissfully wet

the eighth is pure adrenaline

 

the ninth is the plateau

 

it is the lack of confidence so often mourned

it is the insight never had

it is the vision of the future, absent

 

the tenth is anger

the eleventh is resentment the twelfth is when the smokes run out

 

the next twenty are when turning back is thought about but no longer an option

 

sometime thereafter sleep comes

if it can be called sleep

it is not restful or pleasant

it is the demand of a body that simply shuts down

 

upon awaking the mouth is parched

the body weak, the spirit depleted

the cigarettes are gone, and so is the money

the fridge is empty

warm dregs are an option

the mood is low, options are few

 

the party is over

 

but reality with all its pain and hardship is to be avoided at all costs

 

 

 

that first can is arctic cold

the next so soothing

the third a blessing

the fourth a dream

the fifth a revelation

the sixth a taste of yesterday’s nightmares

the seventh a little bland but the throat is finally wet

the eighth is a matter of need

 

the ninth is frenzied self loathing

 

 

it is the confidence so often mourned

it is the insight never had

it is the vision of the future, absent

so very, very

 

 

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