I am alone and isolated, she is all I see in my darkness. (A short story)
I can see you. I can see all from my room high above the ground. The dark room where no light of day touches and my only light is the moon at night through the window. am I in a dark void? In the morning I will be moved again where no one can know where I am. Here I cant see anything. I can only smell the odour of mould, dirt and rotting faeces.
At night when I lay in bed, I wait. The moonlight shines and then I creep out of the cot tiptoe across the cold wooden floorboards. I climb the boxes that hold a lifetimes memories but of which I remember none.Then I stretch a little so my face can peer above them and through the old wooden slats. I see into stolen time, constantly fearful of discovery. The night is quiet.
I can see you now. You are in that room where light is like a burning fire, making my eyes squint. I have never seen such brightness nor its beauty. I strain forward to catch more of that scene which makes up my world and excites my blood. You are in there now, you are standing in-front of the reflective glass. You look at yourself. Long silken curls fall about your shoulders, bare softly tanned flesh. Rounded breasts puckered by the cool nights kiss, your underwear are black and you begin to remove them. You are exquisite in your naked innocence. I touch myself at that place that aches with strange sensations. My relief comes quick and I close my eyes in pleasure. My only pleasure.
You are alone tonight. The room is a soft dusky colour and strange distorted images appear on your bed which is not far from your window. I peer across and into has images of winged people dancing under the multicoloured ribbons on your bed. Your blue/green eyes seem distant as they look at that body. You turn away and reach across to the door and the fire that lights your room is extinguished.
Tomorrow is only another time in that dark hole. I don't have much room to move here, the walls are close and cold. Someone gives me water through the door that lets me in and out. They give me some warm sticky type of food. I eat hungrily aware that if I don't, I will go without for many dark days as punishment. Hunger has long left me and I feel a certain kind of satisfaction with what they give me. No words are spoken just grunts and growls when I empty myself in a pot provided. My mind drifts to the night before and I dream of you. I dream of your room. Then suddenly the door is opened and a blanket is thrown over my head. They take me back to my night room and I quiver inside. I might see you again.
Tonight you aren't in your room. I stare at the darkened windows my knuckles white as I cling tight to the ledge. My heart hurts and after a while I return to my bed. For many days and nights you aren't there. The despair I feel grips my gut and squeezes. Its so cold in my room of moonlight and now you aren't there its seems I am empty than ever before lonely.
I dream constantly now, long dreams of that room across from me. Anything to survive anything to live and breath and see you again.
The rain came and I stared at the small rivulets that move over the window. The room is very dark when the moon hides behind the curtain of clouds. But then something shines onto my bed and I sit up. My body is aching, a new pain from my confinement. I move quietly and stretch up to see beyond my space into yours. You are there and my heart skips a beat. You are sitting in-front of your reflection in your underwear. You brush your beautiful hair and I know you take pleasure in it. You close your eyes. I am tense but my view is beginning to distort as the rain gets harder and the window blurs the view.. I sob in my frustration and with unrequited desires. In defeat and resignation I return to my bed and weep.
I see you when the moon is full. Its huge shaft of light fills my heart with joy because I can watch you clearly tonight. You are looking at a new dress that fits your loveliness perfectly. Strange how sad you look tonight, but my emotions are unbound and I stare hungrily at your image. you sit before that mirror and apply colours to your face. Then something changes in your face as you look, you aren't looking at yourself but something behind you through the reflection. Its as if you are looking at me, but no one can see me. I am not visible. I am like a ghost, no one can see a ghost. Yet your eyes seem to look into mine, I hold my breath and watch you stand up and come to the window. You put your hands on the glass and I know you are looking at me. Tears fill my eyes.
Oh god! you can see me!