Writers block or Really Fear

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How fear of the past and peer pressure and other people's opinions can stop you writing and expressing yourself in so many ways

I woke at 3am with a message in my head it’s time to write Maggie, coffee time, really I am thinking at 3am, I have been putting it off for ages to write, things come up or get in the way, writers block has been my issue, I thought it was. I have been listening to a few webinar’s about writers block; none of them seem to touch on fear, which is interesting is it not?  As fear to be heard is a big one. How many of us have been seen and not heard, it may be a generational thing for some of us, but some of us have a fear from a young age to perform in life.  When we do we hear the sniggers of our fellow peers as we stutter over words on our first written speech ever.  That’s where it normally starts, that first written word, whether it is a poem, letter to our mummy or daddy we are writing.  Then school takes over.  Then the dreaded labels they seem to so freely give out, at school, special needs, learning difficulties, distracted too easily and the list grows then dyslexia, brain injury.  Oh my head hurts, but really it is information overload.  I hated school, the labels, the fear they put into you at such an early age to perform well or you will never be successful.

Often when we hear the sniggers of our fellow peers as we stutter over words on our first written speech ever.  That’s where it normally starts, that first written word, whether it is a poem, letter to our mummy or daddy we are writing.  Then school takes over.  Then the dreaded labels they seem to so freely give out, at school, special needs, learning difficulties, distracted too easily and the list grows then dyslexia, brain injury.  Oh my head hurts, but really it is information overload.  I hated school, the labels, the fear they put into you at such an early age to perform well or you will never be successful.

Goodness sake I am only a kid, too much pressure, life at school for me was not easy one bit, it scared the shit out of me, the words, the put downs, stupid and laughed at a lot, I just didn’t fit in, I was a loner most of the time, though my imagination kept me going, till I shared my stories and the ridicule I received at the innocent age of 12, threw me into turmoil, my writing career as I had so planned went down the toilet, worse critics are your family and your teachers.

They put the fear, of not being good enough, stupid, the brain injury I received at birth came back to haunt me once again.  As I grew up the fear got stronger, I still wrote, my words only stayed on paper as the fear to share my precious words would receive negative feedback.  I remember at the tender age of 16 entering my first writer’s competition to be knocked down once a more.  It wasn’t easy topic to write about either; no one ever told me they were proud of me for even attempting this.  I felt a failure yet again.  I still wrote the stories I had in my head and one was a movie waiting to happen.  Suggesting that, It’s only a dream, that is a foolish dream, it won’t mount to anything.  Yet the fear the rejection just ate away at my soul.  So now moving forward in time, working not in my dream job of the writer or journalist as planned, but due to the let downs growing up and being labeled stupid way too much I ended up being, a caregiver not feeling good enough to study or deserve so much more.

On occasion I would write, so wanting to be heard, I made the dreadful mistake of showing my brother who is a writer my kid’s story I wrote, I felt like he shot my heart, the words, telling me how to end it, and it needed this and this, was not good enough etc.  I left sad and dishearten yet again, on one occasion I took the courage to ask someone to edit my book, who told me it was an awesome book, and wanted to know how many sequels was I going to do, when was the movie coming out. It was my original story, not the edited version my brother told me to do.  My confidence grew to the point I joined a writers group and was given some encouragement and awesome feedback on my stories.  Things started to change or did they, of course, people can be nasty, the written word is the most powerfull word in the world, and people are fearful that you are going to be better than them. I became a threat, their fear and my fear didn’t help one bit.

That was years ago, thank goodness for technology, that can also be dangerous, being a business owner a travel writer, you never know what will happen, till that fear word of writers block comes in, so it was a time to review it, that’s the job of being a PaxStar8 Coach, to find out where in my timeline this fear to stop writing came in.

To think it stem from the age of four and all the other ages I mention and way more, and the labels that came through with it, I no longer own them, not my to  own.  It is time to finish my books; yes I have many I also have written movies, I still have my book I wrote at the tender age of 12, though it has grown since then.  The magic of writing, we all can write, draw and even write music but the fear stops us from actually achieving our dreams and of course other people’s opinions and especially our own.

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