humour but with some serious asides
WHY IS THE WHOLE WORLD AGOG WITH SURPRISE?
a) TOY SOLDIER IS TO GO ON TRIAL POSTHUMOUSLY;
b) BUBBLE MUG HAS BEEN STRIPPED OF HIS NOBEL PRIZE AND INCARCERATED;
c) JONATHAN FINCH HAS BEEN STRIPPED OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT INCARCERATED ANYWAY.
I’ve just about summed it up if any reader wants to get on with his or her breakfast but for those of you who are not hungry, here goes.
The whole world is agog with surprise. Toy Soldier has been posthumously accused of pedophilia. In an unprecedented turn of events, the little girl who murdered him and sought solace in a hundred ice-creams has been vindicated, and indeed Bubble Mug who penned Toy Soldier’s epitaph has been arrested for aiding and abetting pedophilia. As for the content-creator, Jonathan Finch, he is in a Rimini cell from where he pens this blog.
aider Aider and abetter — disgraced Bubble Mug
The case against Toy soldier is as follows: It is stated that he wantonly and willingly accompanied his murderer on to Rimini sands. Furthermore, he played with her sandcastle thus provoking his very own murder. No decent Toy Soldier, it has been pointed out, would compromise his reputation by leaving his natural environs (a machine – see photo) to accompany a small girl if he did not have absolute, criminal intentions.
Pedophile Toy's natural environs — a machine / Where sick psycho Toy used to live / Absolute criminal intentions
It is therefore my sad duty to write that as of now, Toy Soldier is no longer a hero and victim of ice-cream-related toddler-crime. He is a dead pedophile awaiting trial (and the governments of a united Europe are advocating overdoses of ice-cream to get every toddler more pro-active just like the little girlie who did Toy Soldier in about a month ago if my memory serves me which it does).It is therefore and also my duty to write
that Bubble Mug has been stripped of his Nobel Prize for poetic drivel and is incarcerated in the cell next to mine. And lastly and most dutifully irately it is my duty to write that Jonathan Finch, that’s me, who advocated infanticide, is in the deepest shit you can possibly imagine because the little girl was not only defending herself when she buried Toy under her sandcastle but she was also doing so to repel her aggressive pedophile attacker and to rid the world of yet another sick psycho. (Suffocation, it has been pointed out, was too good for Toy Soldier! He deserved a far more painful death.)
Nothing could be worse for the state of content-creation as of now. Finch (a niume-gold-featured sicko) is incarcerated, Toy is on trial, and Bubble Mug, AKA Bubbly Mug, nom de plume (3) Blue Eyes, Blue Cap, Blue Hat, AKA and nom de plumer whatever else you fucking well want, has been stripped of his Nobel Prize and if you take a look at Bubble Mug again you will realise that stripped he is a pitiful and lustless sight. Before winning his Nobel, some were inclined to laugh at him. Now everyone is laughing at him!
So rapidly do events turn themselves on their heads that it is noteworthy that only last week the heroes who wrote against Toy’s murderer must this week kiss that little girl’s arse and beg forgiveness on bended knees for accusing her of murder by suffocation under sand and also for an unproven addiction to ice-cream.
So, long live Rimini toddlers, sandcastles, ice-creams and a judicial system that imprisons just about everyone for pedophilia without any proof whatsoever.
Long live the little terrors
I regret the day I ever made it to Rimini in my borrowed Ypsilon, thereafter to be imprisoned merely for suggesting that Toy Soldier’s three-year old murderer should be herself murdered. As it turns out I am in very hot water indeed given she will be vindicated without doubt for her noble attempt to protect herself against Toy Soldier by suffocating the bastard. If only I’d kept my big mouth shut and content-created on Rimini’s blue skies, yellow sun, abundant sands, and briny seas! Alas! I did not, and.look where it’s got me. Please send me all the money you can for my legal case which I will mount with the title : Against The Toddler And For The Blogger.
I leave you now in tears, knowing how shocked you will be to realise that this writer is up smelly toilet creek. He it is who hoodwinked you into believing he was some sort of a decent guy who advocated infanticide for justifiable reasons. If I live to vindicate my name (which I won’t, knowing my luck), I dearly hope to return to the necessity of infanticide but for the time being I just have to inform you that Rimini toddlers are absolute treasures and need all the support and ice-cream you can give them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must rush and hide under my cell-bed in order to avoid getting stabbed by a pedophile-hating G.B.H.-er.
The mourners who lined up and lay down to pay tribute to Toy Soldier are of course under investigation as well. From left to right : Green-Bodied Depressor (now Very Depressor), Blue Chippie, Vinegar Bottle, Red Duck and Sleeping Black-And-Whiter, every one of them under investigation and heading for a sure thrashing.