I WAS SO GLAD WHEN SHE GOT THE ‘FLU!
She left me to do a stint of work in Bangkok. Yer, the first day was fine. There were five in the kitchen but they got obliterated with a damp rag. The second day there were twenty-five in the kitchen. They got zapped with the same damp rag but I was now uneasy, wondering about the third day. My worst fears materialised at 07.02 a.m. The kitchen had seventy-seven and the dining-room table twenty-one. You know what that meant. It meant they were migrating. It meant the forces of nature were taking over. It meant I could well wake up under a swarm of ‘em if I chose to eat my supper in bed. That third day was a nightmare. But the fourth was even worse. I decided to scriggle-wiggle-biggle but found they were in the keys of my computer. My fingers were dancing here and my fingers were dancing there, trying to avoid them, squashing one or two of the little mites.
Then the phone rang. I jumped up. It was her. She told me she had the flu and would be back in two hours. She got back and the black tide subsided almost immediately.
“How do you do it?” I asked her.
“You’re just messy. You pick up any old rag and use water and just rub. You have to keep the surfaces ever so clean. That’s how you stop them getting everywhere.”
“I’m so glad you got flu,” I blurted out.
“What!” she exclaimed. “What did you say?”
“I’m so glad you got through….to me,” I clarified.
The little blighters are terrible here in Thailand but for the big, red guys you need to travel south-west (not advised). In Cambodia if you don’t like someone you sit him on a red ants’ nest. I’m glad I don’t live in Cambodia. I’m glad I live in Thailand. I’m especially glad she got the flu. Shush!