Moving on from day one let's see shall we.
Sunday 16/10/2016 21:04
Ok so it's my Birthday today i woke up in the afternoon, my Brother was sat in his bedroom, i went downstairs my Nan was out she had been taken out for Sunday Dinner by my Uncle me and my Cousin share the same Birthday. There was one card sat on the side it was off my Nan and there was ten pounds inside the card bless her cotton socks i don't like taking money from her not even on my birthday but everybody get's the same. Err about three happy birthday messages on facebook from relatives and that's it but don't get me wrong i am grateful i didn't expect that. I live in a working class town, there's a pub over the road lot's of drug takers and drug dealers around so pats on the back and positivety isn't something you should expect. In all honesty the drug dealers around here make my blood boil i know how they work they feed on people's fear and use mental abuse as a weapon i've seen it first hand they will try and make you feel bad about yourself in anyway shape or form they can but what really makes my blood boil is people like my relatives people who wouldn't dare say diddly squat to these people to there faces but when there indoors i quote " They better not come near i won't take there shit" you can make millions of different versions of that quote i've heard them all at least i can say i just stay away from them and wait for the day i can get out of here which unfortunately for me is the day my Nan dies. Yes council rented house and because i'm not pregnant and have a roof over my head i can't get my own flat, private renting is too expensive and i'm unemployed vote brexit they said so i did and well maybe it's just got to get worse before it get's better that's the way my whole life seems to have gone anyway. In the early hours of the morning around two or three o'clock i noticed light coming through the window so i looked out and it was the moon, a full moon on my Birthday the brightest moon i had ever seen so i just stood there and staired at it i really let my eye's go and weird things started happening the glass looked like it had frosted over and there was two moons but i couldn't keep it there i kept refocusing. Then i looked at the dark bits everyone say's that they can see a face on the moon but i really did it was a man wearing sunglasses as daft as that might sound that's what i saw for whatever reason trick of the eye or a loose imagination or maybe it was a sign from the heavens and God i do believe in God i can't state what religion but i do have God in my heart and my Mother i follow my heart so i follow them another time i will flash you back to the time i opened my heart to God and truly began to believe but there's a lot before that so let's do a flashback.
This is the day my Grandad passed away i don't really know the exact times that's not important. When i was a child my Grandad was God to me the biggest, the strongest and the wisest man i had ever known. I had a very strong bond with him as a child but for the rest of the family it was a jealousy trigger they hated and they didn't stop until that bond had been broken but even though they broke that bond they couldn't break me becuse my name is Darren-John son of Christine Northall and that's that. My name may not mean anything to anyone reading this but it's the only thing keeping me going right now. By the time i had grown up my Grandad had turned into a person who just wanted to wind me up and get under my skin like everyone else but he played everyone else off each othere aswell the two ugly sisters and the brothers grimm had won he'd given up and was acting bad that's the way they wanted it and that's the way they got it wether there happy about that or not i couldn't care less i know there miserable people and i know how heartless they are so let them get on with it because my Grandad isn't here anymore and i have a clear consience i know what was my fault ignoring the hard work you have to put in to being a writer, actor, artist and musician that's why there probably is a lot of grammar mistakes in this (working class education). My Grandad spent his last few years suffering going blind and arthiritis set in his hip. I have five main memories of his last six months. Him and my Nan in the kitchen doing the washing up, me an him in the kitchen i tried to tell him he needs to get out of bed more we had to put a bed in the living room made me feel a bit like Charlie out of the Willy Wonka story a this time i just couldn't see him passing away i told myself at first it must have meant i didn't care because i didn't see it but i truly wasn't that i never gave up on him and he knew that the night i spoke to him in the kitchen i told him you've got to get up and get fit again "i can't" he said and he started crying so i gave him a hug and he went and got back into bed the next i came home from and he was sat in the chair "i got up today did my own breakfast and my lunch but i'm gonna get back into bed now i'm tired" he waited for me to come in the bond was still there a little bit just enough. The third him going to hospital never to come home again. The fourth him in the hospital bed going delirious saying "help me help me i can't see". That was the last memory i have of him alive the very last memory i have of him was in the chapel of rest he was in the coffin dead gone. The recession was at it's harshest and i was workingin Mcdonalds to get through it the only job i could get so you do what you've got to do but it wasn't where i wanted to be and then i completely fell apart i was already hard on cocaine and bass and pills and weed and beer of any kind i completely fell apart when i went through the bad years with my Grandad knowing it was all because of them and it got worse after he died but that's a story for tomorrow it's hard writing this so only God knows how people are reading once again i thank you if you have read it all the way aswell as yesterday's i don't know if this is interesting or not but it's all i have right now tomorrow i'm going to church and i'm going to start running to get fit so for now be good be well and hope for a better future.
With all the love from my broken heart