Just a short piece after an argument a work in progress
In the house, at times as this, it would be so very quiet. The house was large by normal standards, but not so large to be unmanageable. In the quiet I could hear her down the hall laughing. It was reminiscent of a small child, the giggling, in a playful manner. It was in that sound I would recall her eyes and smile. They would match the sound of her playfulness. That was the vision I would try to recall when she was at her worst. The anger. The bitterness. Sorrowful. Usually something I had done, no doubt, to bring her to that point. Real or imagined.
She often would say that two extremes eventually touch each other. I often wondered where she had heard that — Just a saying. She did not recall. When she was angry she was so very angry. Just as angry as when she laughed that loving way, that playful way, each as intense as the other. Two extremes. Love and Hate. Spite and Grace. I could not figure out how they touched. I felt they must. She would say she could not do without me. Then the opposite extreme would surface and she was done with me. Disconnected — she would say. The extremes touching. Opposing each other.
I could never figure that out. I've heard said that God loves his children. All people. Good and bad. Yet he also delivers vengeance on those same people. His children. God’s vengeance. It is a mystery. I have not figured that out. But it plays out in this house time and again.
We push through the bad times and are delivered the good times. Grace. I guess we all could use a little. Some forgiveness as well. Anger is an energy. Is Grace its opposing edge? And where do they meet? Perhaps within the space of the flame just as it turns blue.
It's hard to live with folks. What with each of them and their own particular ways and habits. The two shall become one. That's what they say. I don't know about that. It doesn't seem likely in my experience. Too much living been done by each with different lives lived brought with them. Perhaps it is as intended. I think about it a lot when there is conflict. Maybe the opposition of the two is supposed to make the other half somehow complete. In a manner of supporting the others blind spot in some ways. The pride of each keeps getting in the way of the oneness.