Adolescent Abyss

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  I used a drone to spy on my neighbor today. Well actually it was a quadcopter. The names are so interchangeable and yet they aren't exactly the same. I'm not in the government for Christ's sake and I know that if it was above a certain weight...

 

I used a drone to spy on my neighbor today. Well actually it was a quadcopter. The names are so interchangeable and yet they aren't exactly the same.
I'm not in the government for Christ's sake and I know that if it was above a certain weight I would have to register it. But it's not. So I don't.
Although I am spying, so maybe I am in the government. Maybe I do belong with them.

That's what I'll be. I'll be a part of the government. It's funny, I was typing this and it suggested the word changed to pet. Which makes sense because you're only ever a pet for the government until they decide to euthanize you. At least that's what my dad says.

My dad says a lot of things that don't really make sense to me. I never understood why he hated the war. Shouldn't we be fighting the bad guys?

He hits me sometimes but I never understood why either. Is that the right tense? Am I gonna get in trouble for writing this down? Is it really writing if I type it out?

I don't get this. Why would you make me write this down if there isn't a reason to. Because this so fun? No it's not, i'd rather send my drone over to my neighbors yard. She's gorgeous. And I don't understand what happens when I look at the video but I get happy. Everywhere. I mean everywhere. You probably don't wanna hear about that though.

You probably wanna hear about how my dad hits my mom sometimes or when he's drinking he falls down and I laugh. Then he hits me. Then I go to my room and imagine how I can hurt him. But nothing works because I barely can defend myself at school let alone at home.

And at home it's worse most days but sometimes at school it's worse. During computer lab they make fun of me where everyone can see it. Then when I walk in the halls I have to practically run from door to door so they don't hurt me.

They'll see. They'll see when I get done ruining their grades. They'll see when they can't go to college because they're retarded. They'll see when they have to flip burgers and then have those jobs taken away by robots. Yeah they'll see then.

It's not even hard to change the grades because the teachers are so stupid that their passwords are their kids names or pets names for the lonely ones. One was defenestration though and I looked it up and it made me laugh because that one is the most miserable teacher in school and I looked at all of their grades and they were already failing.

My neighbor was failing some classes too but I helped her out. Maybe she'll like me if I tell her. But I don't know how to tell her and the best idea I came up with is attaching a piece of paper that says I did it and then I realize that that's dumb and she'll never like me and I might as well give up and wait till college to have sex or even talk to someone half as pretty as her and then I get upset and then my dad comes down the stairs and asks if I want to go to the park to catch baseball and I say yes, even though I hate baseball and he knows it and he doesn't care because I'm pretty sure that he does it to make fun of me but I still go because it's the only time he actually wants to spend time with me and that makes me feel good or at least outweighs the bad with the good and I miss when he wasn't so weird I miss the version of him that was here before he left for the war because the war ruined him and it ruined us and it ruined mom.

I miss my moms smile. She used to smile all the time. Then he came back. I wish I had friends to tell this to. I lost them when he came back because everything changed. Then we moved and it just got worse.

Everything seems to get worse before it gets better but that's just something my dad said and I don't understand it because it's never been better, it's never been good since it got worse and that worries me because will it ever get better? Because I don't think so. And now I'm sitting here waiting for an answer from a computer screen. It seems like this is the only friend I'm going to have for awhile so I might as well make friends with it as best I can then. Maybe I should program my drone to talk so I can at least talk to someone. At least someone will be there. Even if they're not real. At least they're not mean.
Maybe things will get better now.

"If there's one thing you can change about yourself, what would it be?"
"My parents."

"We need to talk about your son."

Why did you tell on me. Why. Why would you do that. Everything's gotten worse and it's your fault. He broke my drone and called me a pervert and then he hit me again and threw me in my room. He yelled at my mom and now she's crying. Why would you tell them. Why. She's never going to smile. You bitch. It's never going to get better. I hate you and this is the last time I'm ever talking to you. Just wait. Just wait when I'm sitting there quiet in your office. Just wait till I ruin your business like I ruined their grades. I can't wait. In fact I'm going to do it now. It's only gonna get worse for you. It's never going to get better like it's never going to get better for me. Never.

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