If you have ever lost a bet, you know the feeling; It's horrible, not only loosing face, but also what you actually loose or have to do as compensation. This is such a story, divided into to many smaller parts — sometimes funny, sometimes painful, sometimes embarrassing. But always true.
Have you ever lost a bet? You probably have, even though it sometimes is hard to admit it – even to yourself. I know the feeling… Hopefully (for you) it didn’t lead into the trouble it did for me. If you have patience, and now you maybe will nod and say “Of course I have patience”, you may even smile to yourself when saying this; because it’s funny to be reminded you are not the one getting angry over some waiting. Well – if you have this patience, I will include you in the bet. But don’t blame me if you feel, or even experience, that hell freezes over before I tell you, OK?
First of all, if you have read my profile, you know that I have said to many times that “I shall never drink again”. Another thing I have promised myself and broken approximately the same amount of times, are “I shall never make bets again”. This story is about a lost bet, and when you later hear about it (just before, or after that hotspot down under freeze over, you know), I am sure you will agree that I should have kept my other promise to — before I made the bet. Are you still with me? If not, ask your mum and she’ll explain it to you. Women are nice to have in that way.
A friend of mine, she’s a woman (that might explain something …) and she is well educated (that might explain some more …), gave me some tips in how to attack the story about my lost bet. She said (with her preachy voice); take it all from the beginning. I thanked her for the advice, and was wondering if it was the only thing she got out of the seven years of study; something any kindergarten child could have told me...
But then we’re back to “what is the beginning?”
Since many of you don’t know me, let’s just make a long story short and keep away from all that crappy Facebook-Perfectionism, that nobody believes in anyway; I have had my share of shitty jobs over the years. One of these was in a warehouse at a hospital. The Manager of the store was a pudding, and by this I mean he was an asshole, a coward and when shaking his hand I felt like I was shaking a dead octopus. If you don’t know what I mean, try a Google search. This asshole (my boss, if you are slow) was not interested in being the boss, the only thing he was interested in was to go to the meetings with the other bosses in the hospital and to put his bolt in the Rita of the accounting Office (you got it, didn’t you, even if you're not have technical education and know a lot about nuts and bolts?). Since the boss was absent most of the time, there was a need for a clear and present second in command. Nobody was appointed, so I stood up to the occasion and managed the warehouse with a heavy hand. Everything went smoothly, until a new guy, a youngster-boy, started at the warehouse. He didn’t like my management style, and had many similarities to the boss (they were both assholes). After he had been with us for some weeks, it appeared all of a sudden three guys from the occupational health service. Behind my back, the asshole (the younger one of them) had organized a petition against what they called "lousy psychosocial working environment, based on the tyrannical leadership" and now it was time for talk therapy.
Psycho-fucking-working-environment-my-ass. What the fuck did they think the warehouse was; some kind of feminine public office (based on how they moaned)?
Enough about that; I was a unionist, so they could not fire me, and therefore they invited me to a talk with a psychologist. He asked me to tell my version. I asked him where he wanted me to start, and can you imagine what the bastard answered (he probably had been to the same school as my female friend):
"Take it all from the beginning, please”, he said and looked at me with something I failed to interpret whether to be resignation or compassion.
"You Fucking asshole", I thought (... but I didn’t say it) and decided to joke with him.
“Do you mean from the very beginning?", I answered. He nodded, with what I saw as a "trying-to-signal-that-you-understand-everything-even-though-you-realize-you-are-facing-one-of-the-biggest-idiots-ever"-smile.
“Okidoki, man", I replied, before clearing my throat. I sat back in the chair, folded my hands in my lap, closed my eyes and started to talk.
"On the first day I created the Heavens and the Earth», he heard me say. I opened my eyes when finishing the sentence, and saw the surprise in the face of the shrink. He screamed “What …?”, but I stopped him quick and hard.
"Shut the fuck up when I speak", I said and eyeballed him. His face had the same surprised look, and I guessed he was probably used to a work environment where everybody could speak when they wanted. That was not the way it worked at the warehouse with me, and now that was exactly where he was. He turned his eyes away from mine, and I realized that I had won. I went on telling him that it was quite dark there at the beginning, until I ordered the light lit up with the words "Let there be light".
To make a long story short; I got a great statement, three-months leave and was kicked upwards in the system.
So, now you know the importance of taking it from the beginning.
To be continued …