Atheisaurus 1: Bjorn and Zorn

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Two time travelling aliens, Bjorn and Zorn, witness the destruction of the Earth in 2032. They travel in time to collect a little band of misfits, to help them save humanity from itself. The laid back, Ptoni The Pteranodon, the Ladylike, Florence The Jersey Cow, the excitable, Penelope The Penguin,

Chapter 1 -2032
The year is 2032, and two aliens, a bright Green Dog, called Bjorn, and a bright Purple Cat,
Called, Zorn, are seen in their spaceship orbiting, and monitoring planet Earth.
They watch many news reports, about an ongoing war, on a large view screen.
As they watch the reports, one grabs their attention.
The news reporter says that, “One of the warring religious factions, is believed to have nuclear weapons, and concern is growing that they may use them, in an attempt to end the centuries, of fighting.”
“This planet is full of idiots.” Says Bjorn in disgust.
“Only idiots could seriously think of killing the entire population to make a point.” Says Zorn.
“This whole “my God is bigger than your God” attitude is just pathetic”. Adds Bjorn.
“I am so glad we got over religion, millennia ago.” Says Zorn, with relief in his voice.
They laugh together.
Suddenly, without warning, the Earth explodes.
“Get us outta here.” Screams Bjorn.
“On it.” Says Zorn, in his usual calm way.
The space ship warps into outer space, narrowly avoiding the debris.


Chapter 2 — 65 Million Years Ago
Bjorn and Zorn, travel 65 million years into the Earth’s past, and arrive just before the comet strike, that wiped out the Dinosaur population.
Ptoni, a Pteranodon, in what is now known as Kansas, is sitting on a large rock enjoying a big fat juicy fish.
Suddenly he hears and feels a loud rumble.
Looking up, he can see an asteroid, hurtling towards him.
All of his dinosaur friends scatter, and run away in panic.
Luckily for Ptoni, the asteroid strike is hundreds of kilometers away.
The impact causes a huge BANG, and the ground begins to shake under his rock.
Ptoni, now very frightened, drops his fish, and attempts to fly away.
Just as he lifts of, he disappears into thin air.

 

Chapter 3 — The Spaceship
Ptoni rematerializes on the spaceship, with Bjorn and Zorn.
“Krelbo?” Says Bjorn to Ptoni.
Ptoni, who has never heard speech before, is puzzled.
Zorn decides to try.
“Krelbo?” Ptoni continues to look puzzled.
Bjorn and Zorn, are shape shifters, and change form, to become Pteranodons,
identical to Ptoni.
They squawk, back and forward, to Ptoni, and to each other, but Ptoni doesn’t respond.
Bjorn and Zorn, pausing, look at each other, and change into human form.
In human form they look like identical twins.
“I don’t understand.” says Bjorn.
“Maybe this creature can’t communicate in the same way that we do.” Suggests Zorn.
Speaking to Ptoni, Bjorn asks “What’s your name?”
Ptoni, continues to sit still, and do nothing.
Zorn, picking up a scanning device, points it at Ptoni, scanning him inside and out.
Looking down at the screen, he says, “Here’s the problem. Very small brain.
No speech centers.”
“Easy fixed.” Says Bjorn.
Bjorn, creates a golden ball of light, out of thin air with his hands.
The ball, moving under its own power, enters Ptoni’s head, and he begins to speak.
“I am Ptoni The Pteranodon.” He stops, mid-sentence, putting his wing over his mouth, as if he is trying to stop the noise coming out.
“What have you done to me? Why am I making these strange noises?”
Ptoni passes out.
Bjorn, leaning over Ptoni, “Well that’s a new one……. Uuuuuummmm……” Bjorn groans.
The ever calm Zorn says “Just let him sleep it off.”

“OK, let’s get back to 2015, we can find more help there”. Suggests Bjorn.
“On it” says Zorn, and warps the ship back to 2015.

 

Chapter 4 — 2015 – Chaos
Dax, the Maine Coon Cat, is lying in the garden, enjoying the morning sun, when he suddenly disappears, into thin air.
Penelope, the Adelie penguin, is enjoying a day of fun and games, with her friends, in her home in Antarctica, when she suddenly disappears into thin air.
Florence, the Jersey Cow, is enjoying a morning of grazing on lush grass, on her farm, in Queensland, Australia, when suddenly she disappears into thin air.
One by one, they rematerialize on the spaceship, with Bjorn and Zorn.
Bjorn and Zorn, have created a special chamber for Penelope. She is seen behind glass in a chamber that recreates Antarctic conditions.
Before the animals realize what is happening, Bjorn and Zorn create golden balls of light, which enter the heads of Dax, Penelope and Florence.
“What a clever trick, I can now tell the world who the boss is.” Says Dax.
“Boss?” Asks Bjorn.
“Cats are ancient beings, and should be treated with respect and dignity.” Claims Dax.
“Zorn might agree with you, but I don’t.” Laughs Bjorn.

Dax is sitting on the computer console, looking down on Ptoni, as he begins stir.
“Hard night?” Inquires Dax.
“That ain’t half of it.” Replies Ptoni. “Hey, it’s a talking ball of fur.”
Ptoni passes out again.
“I’m thinking Ptoni’s unevolved brain is the problem. He just can’t process what is happening.” Suggests Bjorn.
“What do you suggest we do?” Asks Zorn.
Suddenly, in the background, someone can be heard knocking.
“Surely, you two can make adjustments, to the brains integration parameters…… that can upgrade his software……..so to speak.” Suggests Dax.
“Like how?” Asks Bjorn.
“Don’t ask me, I’m just a cat.” Says Dax.
“On it.” Says Zorn.
The knocking continues.
Dax points to Penelope through the glass, “Are you going to answer her?”
“THAT’S what that noise is.” Says Bjorn, with relief in his voice.
Bjorn walks over to a panel beside the glass. He presses a button, turning on the audio.
Penelope, now distraught, squeals very loudly, “What’s going on? What are you saying? Why has the Dinosaur passed out? Why is so hot in here?”
Dax, annoyed by her squealing, asks “Why did you give her the ability to speak?”
He jumps across room, hitting the button on the wall, turning off the speakers.
“Not nice Cat” Says Bjorn, turning the speakers back on.
“Yeah Cat, not nice.” Squeals Penelope.
Dax jumps across room and turns the audio off again.
“I’m not going to spend this whole……..quest…..listening to her whine.” Says Dax, even more annoyed.
Suddenly, the ships computer says “Download Complete.”
“Zorn, the penguins complaining about the temperature….” Says Bjorn
“On it.” Says Zorn.
“On it.” Says Dax, in a sassy imitation of Zorn. “This is going be a loooooong …….quest…”
Suddenly, a very excited Ptoni, sits up and blurts out, “What’s going on? What are you saying? Why is the Penguin behind glass? Why is it so cold in here?”
“That cat is a grumpy little munchkin. Can someone milk me, my teats hurt?” Says Florence, finally uttering her first words.
“I thought you’d never ask.” Says Dax.
Dax sits up under Florence, and squeezes some milk, in to his mouth, from her udders.
Florence sighs “A little better….”
The excited Ptoni continues, “What’s going on? What are you saying? Why is the Penguin behind glass? Why is so cold in here?”
“Zorn, the dinosaurs stuck in a loop.” Says Bjorn.
“On It.” Says Zorn
“Give me strength.” Says Dax, now even more annoyed.
“And fix the cat.” Adds Bjorn.
Dax, adopting the “Ninja” position, says “Don’t even try it.”
Zorn, points a scanner at Dax. “On it.”
Dax passes out.

“It’s still too hot in here.” Says Penelope
“My teats still hurt.” says Florence.
“What’s going on? What are you saying? Why is the Penguin behind glass? Why is so cold in here?” from Ptoni.
“I can’t stand any more of this.” says Bjorn, picking up a scanner.
He points the scanner at them all and they all pass out.
Bjorn, as if thinking out loud, says “Remind me why we want to save that ball of water again?"

 

 

Andrew Cahill-Lloyd

atheisaurus.com.au

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