Short samples, the first in the series showcasing short true, yes true stories showing what happens when builders, construction workers and tradesmen meet members of the public in their homes, as we build towards creating a screenplay for television! Shameless for the Building Industry!
Bradford / Kings Street
“Easy man, come to patch house bruv!”
It’s Danny, a 6ft 4 Asian. Tattooed and nose pierced.
He’s talking to a fat bald guy, 5Ft 1 and wearing specs who replies in a camp voice.
“Oooh come in big boy, cup of tea before you start fella, cup of tea. Got plenty for you, want a biscuit too?
“Bloody come, COME IN, its bloody freezing out there big boy!”
He ushers him in, steps onto the door step, looks left and right and promptly shuts the door with a just slam.
“Now then, through to the kitchen big lad, let Norman make you a brew, bloody British weather!”
Danny now glad to be out of the rain, sits at a chair and looks round, it’s all very clean and tidy, immaculate so to speak.
“You have it sweet here Norm my man!”
“That’s wife for you, big lad, loves it tidy!”
“Wife, married eh fella?”
“Yes, we married last year, 23 years together, about time hey!”
“Ha-ha. I a free soul bruv, chase em down, wear em out and move on ha-ha, you know how it is bruv!”
“Yes big lad, I guess a big boy like you attracts the ladies eh...bloody massive you!”
“Ha-ha yes bruv, 6 foot 4 plus 10 inches does trick eh ha-ha!” They both laugh.
Normans eyes light up!
“Bloody hell, I thought 6 inch was big!”
Teas made, Norman sits across table and pulls a biscuit jar out.
On the jar is a rooster with the emblem of, “Nothing Like A Big Cock To Get You Up In The Morning!”
“Ha-ha, big lad see, its about right!”
Danny sees it and starts laughing.
“Ha-ha bruv I aint shy now but that’s fly!”
“Well Glenda would like the look of you!”
“Glenda? That you’re boo bruv!”
“Boo? Oh you mean wife, yes, loves company but suffers from agoraphobia a kind of phobia.
Feels dread or about being in places from which escape might be embarrassing.
Would like you though, has a thing about big Asians especially those over 6 foot 4 and ten inches ha-ha!”
Danny, now feeling he has Norman in his back pocket, relaxes and takes control of the conversation, thinking he can waste his day in here and not have to go back out into the rain, to another property, which in all probability, will be a nightmare.
“So bruv, likes big fella eh!”
“Yes, bloody mad on them but never seen one as big as you!”
“Ha-ha bruv it’s what they all say, where wife at then bruv!”
“Oh we have a basement, stays in there due to her condition, I put a slot in the door for a viewing hole if you may, can see out but nobody can see in so to speak!”
“Ha-ha a bit far that bruv!”
“Ohh big lad, that condition is terrible, the anxiety attacks are terrible, seems the way to go. When we have visitors, Glenda goes down to basement and when they go, comes out simple.”
“Ha-ha bruv, I likes you, anymore tea!”
“Plenty for you big lad!”
“Why not bruv!”
“Bet a big lad like you could eat that entire jar in one handful ha-ha!”
“Yes bruv got to keep strength up, got me two chicks on beat for tonight!”
“Bloody only two, I am surprised you have time for work with that 6 foot four ten inch frame you got! Women must throw themselves at you!”
They both start laughing aloud as Norman brews tea.
“Are you shy? What’s your name big boy?
“Danny bruv, Big Danny from town to those in the know innit!”
Norman turns, his face now serious and there is suddenly £45 on the table next to the cup of made tea!
“Danny, I have a proposal for you but first don’t be offended!”
“A proposal which I am prepared to pay for!”
“£45 maybe £50!”
“What bruv, 45 or fifty quid for what?”
“A look, Danny boy, a look for me and a look and feel for the wife!”
“Fucking hell bruv, 45 or fifty quid, I aint shy and all that but fucking why bruv?”
“Ha-ha Danny boy, been with wife 23 years, and 23 years with 5 inches is no fun I tell you.
Wife goes for men like Shane Diesel, Lexington Steel, well hung black men with huge cocks and as I have a huge cock here, in life you have to take a punt my lad!”
“Well 45 or fifty quid seems well worth it!”
“Fuck me bruv, thought wife suffers from a phobia?”
“She does Danny lad but all you have to do is show me and hang in through viewing hole, you’d be safe from her triggering anxiety, and wife be safe to admire your gift to the world so to speak!”
“Ha-ha sounds good to me bruv, my boys all say I should be a stripper!”
“Lead the fucking way bruv, lead the fucking way chop chop!”
Excited, Norman ushers Danny to the small stairs leading down its immaculate.
At the bottom is a small door with a round hole in, big enough to put a hand through.
“Well Danny boy, here’s the £45; if you come back I will make it fifty!”
“Let’s have a see big boy!”
Danny not believing his luck takes the money and starts to pull out his huge thick cock; it’s still limp but 8 inches and thick.
“Fucking hell Danny, fucking hell, Glenda, got you a fucking huge surprise...go to the fucking hole...”
His breathing is fast and he’s panting.
“Fucking hell Danny, can I hold it, here’s another 10!”
“Fucking hell bruv, for ten more, you can shove it through that fucking hole for me ha-ha!”
Getting a twenty pound note out, Norman grabs Danny’s huge veiny cock and squeezes it before shoving it through the hole!
A loud gasp from the other side and suddenly Danny is groaning.
“Fucking hell bruv, wife’s got some grip!”
“Fuck me, fucking eating me alive bruv, watch dem teeth Glenda! Mans pride and joy you holding bruv!”
He tries to pull back but cannot.
“Fucking hell bruv got me well good, fucking strong as hell. Glenda, you may as well empty that cock now you dirty slut now you got it hard!”
His eyes rolls as Norman watches, trying to see what’s going on through the hole as loud slurping noises fills the small staircase!
Danny stiffens and moans.
“Arrg bitch, drink that fucker!”
He pushes forwards and twitches.
“Fucking hell bruv, 5 minutes and empty, fucking hell! Glenda, girls got skills bruv!”
He pulls back and Norman stares at the huge wilting cock covered in red lipstick!
“Fucking hell Danny, some cock you got there. Easiest 65 pounds you ever made in five minutes!”
“Told you Glenda, dreams do come true!” He shouts punching the air!
He chuckles as he leads Danny upstairs as he does his work pants up!
“Now then Danny boy, am off back down to see what a mess you have made of my wife’s lips! Do what you need to do and just lock door ha-ha...If you want another visit, call back Wednesday, giro goes in bank then!”
“Bruv, with sucking skills like that Glenda’s got, I’ll be back Wednesday!”
Norman rushes down, unlocks door and relocks it when he enters.
”Look at the state of mama, let poppa clean you up!”
Danny’s on the phone.
“Big T, it’s Danny, fucking hell bruv, just earnt 65 quid for letting some weirdo suck my cock from behind a door, what, yeah man, 65 fucking quid. Emptied me in 5 minutes! ha-ha Address, it’s on list, think you next door bruv, ha-ha Danny gets all the chickens bruv! See you at snap cabin, will show you the readies to prove it bruv!”
Big T is next door. Puts phone down.
He’s on good terms with the lady of the house, a married sexy middle aged cleaner called Maureen. She has just made him a lovely coffee and some toast.
“Maureen can I ask you a question, a friend of mine reckons next door a bit strange.
He’s in there now doing some work!”
Maureen spits her coffee out onto the beautifully clean mahogany table and doubles up laughing.
“Hahaha hahaha I don’t normally swear but fucking hell....haha fucking hell....hahaha
Them fucker next door is something else hahaha!”
Big T is amazed, Maureen is usually a quiet composed person.
“Maureen, Maureen, calm down calm down, what’s so fucking funny luv?”
“Hahaha funny aint the word!”...She gathers herself briefly spluttering.
“Bout two years ago them two next door nearly got beat up by a huge Jamaican plumber, Police and everything had to come, apparently Norman, persuaded the big black man to let his wife feel his black cock in a dark room by saying his wife suffers from agoraphobia and the darkness would make it easier, gave him some cash and black guy said yeah man hahaha when monies exchanged hands, black fella lobs it out, Normans wife grabs it and all hell breaks loose.The black fella wants a pic and tries to take one on his phone, when it flashes, he sees Normans wife Glenda...ha-ha ha-ha fucking Glenda’s a man, his real names Glen, they got married in a civil partnership last year, 6foot1, big fucking big nose and glasses..hahaha weird aint the half of it!”
Big T spits his coffee out!
“Fucking tha what...hahaha!”
He starts laughing even harder than Maureen...
”Hahaha fuck me...that cunts gona get it now....never live this fucker down hahaha!”
Maureen bemused asks, “What’s up, why did you ask?”
“Hahaha you’ll not believe this but Danny, just rang and says that guy next down just paid him £65 for him to let his wife give him a blowjob through a door with a hole in it!”
Maureen’s eyes bulge then she screams laughing, “hahaha!”
“Dirty fucking bastard’s ha-ha fucking dirty bastards, no fucking photographs now hahaha
Big Ts thinking...
“Maureen love, please keep this quiet until next week, just between us, don’t mention it to the neighbours, am gona tell all lads though, Danny’s a cocky fucker, let’s keep him going round for a bit longer hahaha This will bring that big daft cunt down a peg or two hahaha!”
Maureen, still laughing like mad.
“What’s in it for me big T?”
“Anything, anything and everything....!”
“Let’s go upstairs then, all this blowjob talks getting me wet hahaha!”