TINY JIM

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with apologies to Charles Dickens

 

 


Some years ago, in the charming, picture postcard village of Bumbleberry-on-Toast, lived the Jam family. There was Sam Jam, his wife Pam and their unfortunate son, Tiny Jimmy Jam. They all lived fairly happily in a little cottage, conveniently positioned between the blacksmith and the village nuclear fallout shelter.

Poor Tiny Jim had been injured at his christening, when the vicar had accidentally dropped him into the font. He had been knocked out for several seconds and miraculously, when he came to he could speak fluent Latin, unfortunately though, for the rest of his life he would laugh out loud at inappropriate moments, such as funerals and when Bambi’s mother died. Also he would walk with a pronounced limp,( that’s pronounced, LIMP!!) and suffered severe shooting pains in his left buttock when Morris Dancing.

Despite all of his problems, Tiny Jim was an inspiration to everyone he met because he was always so happy and cheerful. Even on the coldest, wettest, most miserable day, he would smile and say ‘Cheer up everybody, it’s a beautiful day”. For example, when the village Synchronised Swimming team had been beaten and were looking a bit glum, he would say ‘Don’t worry, there’s always next time” everyone in the village loved Tiny Jim for his cheerful manner.

One day, just before xmas, Mr Bucket, the village Forensic Scientist was very surprised to see Tiny Jim sitting in Ferret Square looking a bit sad. Ferret Square had been named after local identity Sir Frank Ferret, who had accidentally split the atom whilst hammering a nail into his garden shed. “Why the long face Tiny Jim” asked Mr Bucket. Tiny Jim looked up, and said “I just cannot help but feel sad when I think of all the poor children in the village who have not known the thrill of Morris Dancing” he wiped a tear from his eyes “If I could have one wish for xmas it would be free Morris Dancing lessons for all of them”

Now a tear came into Mr Bucket’s eye, he only had the one, he had lost the other as a youth and despite an extensive search it had never been found. “This is so typical of Tiny Jim” he thought to himself, “always thinking of others, perhaps I can make his dreams come true”

That evening a secret meeting was held at Mr Bucket’s house, some of the wealthiest people in the village were present. After a few introductions Mr Bucket explained Tiny Jim’s xmas wish to them. When he had finished he was given a standing ovation and many large donations. Mr Gland, the village Spontaneous Combustion Investigator, handed over a large cheque and smiled broadly. It was not a pretty sight as My Glands teeth were so bad that he had once spent time in a home for the dentally handicapped.

Very soon so much money had been collected, that there was more than enough for Morris Dancing lessons for all the children.

Christmas found Tiny Jim in a reflective mood. He had just come home from carol singing and his mother had given him the news that his grandfather had that morning had a lobotomy. He was not sure what a lobotomy was but felt pretty certain that it was a lot better than the matching tie and underpants that he’d got for xmas. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Mr Bucket with the news that Tiny Jim’s xmas wish had come true. Tiny Jim was so excited that he ran straight outside to tell everyone the good news. Unfortunately, he slipped on a piece of ice, slid into the road and was crushed to death by a passing semi-trailer
Have a good day Steve

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