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Jonny takes his family and friends to meet the Queen of Iceland with unsuspected results..

 

The Silver Flying Arrow landed in silence just a few hundred feet away from the huge Skogafoss Waterfall. There waiting in all his glory, was Gentle Storm.

‘Good grief,’ Philomena Flatulent Fudge-Bucket said as she first laid eyes on the man mountain standing next to the waterfall.

‘Well, if you think he’s big, wait until you meet Stump Grinding, and if you thought Stump Grinding was big, just wait until you meet Sally,’ Jonny said smiling as he helped everybody climb out of the Silver Arrow Space Ship.

‘Jonny, my back,’ Isobel screamed as she jumped out of the Silver Arrow Space Ship.

‘What’s the matter?’ Jonny asked.

‘I don’t know, just searing pain, like someone just stuck a...’

...‘Pen up your nose,’ Jonny interrupted laughing.

‘No you imbecile, like someone stuck a...’

...‘Five pens up both nostrils and then wrote their names on a sticky bogie.’

‘It’s not funny, Jonny dumb, this really hurts.’ Isobel replied angrily.

‘Well there’s not much we can do here, but when we get back home, let’s go and see the back specialist, and then a nose specialist to remove all the pens.’

Isobel stood up and although in quite a bit of pain soon joined the others, who in stunned silence just stood staring at the huge waterfall and the huge man mountain called Gentle Storm.

‘Gentle Storm, these are my family and friends,’ Jonny shouted out at the top of his voice.

‘Great name,’ Professor Ziad shouted.

‘No, he’s Icelandic, not a great Dane,’ Jonny shouted back.

‘Who’s got a great Dane? I like great Danes,’ Philomena Flatulent Fudge –Bucket yelled back as the spray from the mighty Skogafoss soaked everyone.

‘This way,’ Jonny shouted, as he led, Isobel, Sir Ranulf, Lady Kathleen, Eddie Rockhard, Philomena Flatulent Fudge-Bucket and Professor Ziad towards the small opening where Jonny first disappeared into the darkness, which was now bathed in a gentle light.

‘How’s the back?’ Jonny asked Isobel.

‘Warm,’

‘What do you mean, warm?’

‘As in warm, you know Jonny, which is in between hot and cold.’

‘Yes, very funny.’

‘It seems to be getting hot now, and more uncomfortable.’ Isobel stopped and then suddenly bent over in agony.

‘I have to get her away from here,’ Jonny said frantically.

‘But we have only just got here,’ Isobel moaned.

‘Well, can you wait for an hour?’

‘I have something to help ease her pain,’ the Queen of Iceland purred.

Sir Ranulf, Eddie and Professor Ziad, stood in stunned silence as the Queen of Iceland glided in, the soft light bathing her incredible beauty. She gently held Isobel’s tiny hand and walked her back towards her Queendom. Sir Ranulf, Eddie and Professor Ziad didn’t move, still gaping in love struck awe at the unparalleled beauty of the Queen of Iceland.

‘Are you boys just going to stand there dribbling?’ Lady Kathleen asked angrily.

‘Yes, probably,’ Professor Ziad whispered.

‘Here, drink this, it will make you feel drowsy at first, but the pain will go in a few seconds,’ Queen Amaranta purred, as she passed Isobel a glass goblet with a bright green liquid in it.

‘Liquidised frog?’ Legend said laughing.

Isobel started to giggle and giggle and giggle.

‘Don’t worry; it does this to begin with. She might start seeing strange things but, it's fine,’ Queen Amaranta said gently and then added, ‘Jonny, introduce me to your family.’

‘Ok, erm, well this is my Dad. Dad, this is the Queen of Iceland who is called Queen Amaranta.’

There was silence, probably for the first time in his entire life, Sir Ranulf was left speechless. He just stood with a silly, boyish look and a glazed look in his eyes.

‘Well, aren’t you going to say hello?’ Lady Kathleen asked, as she kicked Sir Ranulf in the shins, causing her more pain than him.

‘Err, yes, erm, yes, erm hello, yes, erm, how are you, erm, nice weather we’re having,’ Sir Ranulf muttered while turning beetroot red, with this ridiculous puppy-eyed look on his face.

‘Hello Queen Amaranta, my name is Kathleen but you can call me Kathie, all my close friends do. I’m sorry about this; I honestly don’t know what’s happened to him. A tough, no nonsense and hard as five brick walls, but the second he claps eyes on you, he turns to jelly. Look at him, I mean look at him, he’s about as wet as a wet flannel that’s all wet.’

‘Ok, ok Mum,’ Jonny said trying to shut his mother up. Now it was Eddies turn to introduce himself to Queen Amaranta, and just like Sir Ranulf, he stood mouth slightly open, with a stupid look on his face unable to speak. Suddenly, he got a seriously bad case of jelly leg, where he was unable to have any control over his legs whatsoever as they wobbled and wobbled, leaving him walking around like he was drunk.

Professor Ziad walked purposefully over to Queen Amaranta, all full of bravado and like Sir Ranulf and Eddie Rockhard before him, his eyes glazed over, his mouth fell wide open and all he could do was to coo like a pigeon. He then proceeded to cluck and wave his arms up and down like a chicken. ‘Coo, coo, cluck, cluck, clickety cluck coo, coo,’ he said while he ran up and down. Then Philomena Flatulent Fudge-Bucket got a bad case of wind and started to parp very, very loudly.

‘Oh god, I’m so sorry,’ Jonny said to Queen Amaranta, almost in tears. ‘Perhaps we should come another time when my family are, well, erm, less mad and Professor Ziad has stopped clucking, his wife stopped parping, Eddies jelly leg gets better, my Dad’s stopped drooling, and Isobel has stopped giggling.

‘It is fine, Jonny,’ Queen Amaranta managed to say while laughing her head off. ‘Whenever you and your wonderfully funny family can come back, it will be a joy to meet them again.’

Jonny grabbed the clucking cooing Professor and wobble legs Eddie Rockhard by their hands and led them both to the Silver Arrow like he was taking two baby chimpanzees to a tea party. Sir Ranulf hadn’t moved and still had a stupid glazed look on his face while Philomena continued to destroy not only the pure air of Iceland but also the Ozone layer as she rattled off parp after parp like a machine gun, or machine bum in her case.

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