Return to First Love

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Red String of Lost Love : Return to First Love " One can say that ghost will lingers if there's still regret. Everytime I see him I would return to my past, an old self that should have been long gone before..."

Chapter 1: Red String of Lost Love

Eyebrow, check!, Hair and makeup, check! Alright everything is good, I' am ready to go and this time for sure...

Everyday I am living making sure that people will see me as perfect, from my appearance to how well I do my job, I see to it that there will be no flaws at all. I can say that each day my world is fulfilling... until today.

Good morning everyone, there will be a meeting tomorrow and make sure you are all done with your reports and assignments by tomorrow.

Yes, Ms.Lian... Who does she think she is? She might be good with her job but please, does she even heard the word consideration? I am not surprise that at she is still single no man would dare to be with her!

(chatting, background noise)

Hi, everyone please listen I would like to introduce Mr. Zack Stanley. He was assigned here from the main office and he will be working with us from now on. (whispering noise)... He was just transferred here from our main office. Ladies I know that you are all excited but please be easy with him.

No way... I don't believe this, of all people why him?

Ms. Lian, starting by tomorrow you will directly report to him your team reports and assignment.

I can't believe this...is fate playing games with me?

People will have one thing that they would want and do everything to forget, in my case, it's him.

Almost ten years has passed but I can still vividly remember all things that has to do with him. It's not like he has done me or my family wrong, even I can't understand why he made a big impact on my life. However thinking how am I in my past I guess it does make sense why I can't forget him. I mean, he is the main reason of what I have become now.

During my college days, I am one of those you called nobody. The type that you will forget after the semester end. I would spend my days studying and doing lackey job for everyone. But please don't misunderstood, at that time I am fulfilled doing those things, I am content and it's not like I want to be popular or something at that time. That is why considering my attitude towards life I can't believe that me as well, will experience the taste of love at first sight.

As an art and advertising major student, I would always visit different historical places, read books and literature to help me visualize and think of a motif for my next project. That is why my favorite place in school is the library, but that is not only the reason.

In the library I can always see a boy sitting in the corner of the room beside the window reading a book. looking at him it always seems that the time has stopped, both my time and the people around him. He gave out an intimidating yet gentle and sad aura, which made me at that time unable to look away from him. Like a stalker, my eyes would follows him whenever I see him at school and I would wait until he finish what he was reading just so that I can borrow that same book. It was also because of that I learned what was his name.

Zack...Stanley... So this is his full name...and what is the title of this book? The art of Communication and marketing...I see he is from our marketing management department maybe that is why he always read these stuff. What about this one..hmmm.. Interpreting the art of Da Vinci ? now that is unusual is he also interested in art? I hope so since I am from the art department (giggles).

I want to know everything about him, that is why I would always borrow the same books that he will read in order to know his type and at least even if it is only on the log book, our names will be next to each other. Remembering my past self I want to jump now out of this building I can't believe how naive I was! and to think that it is a past of my college days not elementary. They all say that everyone would dream about being with your soul mate for the rest of your life and at that time I was really happy at the thought of experiencing first love for the first time.

Ms. Lian Kim? are you listening? Don't tell me even you has fall in love at first sight with our Mr. Zack here ( laughs hard)

He stretch out out his hand to me waiting for me reach out, I don't know what to feel at this point but it do seem like that he doesn't remember me.

It's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Kim...

Nice to meet you as well Mr. Stanley you can rely on me with our projects and if you have questions just reach me directly.

I can't believe him ! to think that all these years he is the source of my frustration, is it really that easy to forget me? This might be nothing for him but I did confess to him before; Yes! I did confess to him and allowed myself to follow his every whim at that time. Ten years ago I have done something that would make me regret the rest of my life. My desire to be with him has reached the point that just knowing his name and seeing him is not enough. So when he first talk to me, I was not able to control myself and confess to him at first meet.

How can I reach that book? It's to high... maybe I should try to jump!

Should I help? (his hands reach out the book)

No way... am I dreaming?

Let's see... Interpreting the Art of Da Vinci, is this the one you are looking for?

At that time I can't believe what is happening and was really panicking. Should I thank him and introduce myself first? Won't he find me disgusting because of how I look at him and surely my voice will tremble. My head is spinning and I can't think properly. My desire just suddenly voice itself out...

Miss?

I...I Like you!..please..please.. go out with me.

He did not response for a quite bit of time that's why I tried to look up and see how his reaction was. He blankly stared at my face and then suddenly burst in laughter.

Pffft.. hahaha ...I can't believe this, a confession coming from the first meet?

I was so ashamed of myself, I can't believe that the first word that comes out of my mouth when he speak with me is a confession.

But since this looks interesting, sure I'll go out with you. So what is your name?

Li... I am Anne Li Kim!

So It's Anne, Please take care of me.. Anne (smiled back)

His voice is deep and warm, even though he laughs at my confession and just find these interesting, he might even considered going out with me as a way to ease his boredom, but still my heart was filled with joy because I will have the chance to stay with him. I don't care if he was just making fun of me or doesn't feel the same way I do, these things are none of importance for me at very least are my thoughts that time.

I can't believe this... I can be with him... is this really happening?

But honestly thinking about it now, I don't know if that was the start of my dreams coming true or a nightmare...

What took you so long?

Zack I am sorry the line is too long and they no longer have that thing that you want me to buy for you...

Anyway, after school I want you to come with me we are going to have another drinking party.

Zack would always ask me to do his assignments or buy something for him or his friends. I become known as his number one lackey at that time but it didn't matter to me at all. I can't find the strength to disagree with his whims specially whenever he looks at me. I am really weak with that handsome face of him. Am I really that simple to let myself be pulled around because of how I love his face?

Sometimes he would invite me to go with him and his friends for a drinking party only to be his personal driver whenever he got drunk. And there will be times that during his drunkenness he would vent out his frustration about his family, specifically his mother who left him alone with his father. Maybe that is why the first time I saw him my first impression of him was he looked so sad. It was during those times I felt so close to him and can't find the strength to leave him alone.

One time to my surprise he invited me to go with him at his house. He just suddenly held my hand and drag me out of school to go home with him. I remember being so nervous at that time thinking the reason why and how should I act while I am alone with him.

Anne go to my room and make yourself comfortable. I'll just get us something to eat...(sound of the door closing)

Like a child I followed his instructions and patiently wait for him inside his room. I looked around and was so amazed with how messy his room was. The room is well ventilated and there are several pictures of taken by him displayed around. There are books everywhere, his room was big but looked small because of arrangement of the furnitures and this big bed of his.

Wow, I can't believe I am now inside his room, Am I dreaming? (pinch herself) It hurts! I don't think I am dreaming (giggles) His bed... ( look intensely) No.. don't even dare to try it ... he is just step away!

Who in the world would never think of lying on your crush's bed if you seen one?! That's why even if I am so afraid of being seen, I can't fight the urge to jump and lie on his bed.

Pfft.. what the hell are you doing with my bed? you are really my stalker. (laughs hard)

I am sorry, It's just.. ( please let me disappear)

Anyway, come here closer Anne.

Zack pulled my hand and slowly touch my face. He look at my eyes and at that time his face looks so serious making me think; who is this man I am with now? I was so confused on what is happening so I turned my face away from him as he get closer.

Zack, I am sorry but I still have something to do, I will go first!

Before I can even stand, Zack pulled me and pinned me down on the bed. Without even the time to react he kissed me, not letting me to fight back as he held me. I can't move at all because my hands are being held tightly by him, for the first time I believed the saying that a man's strength cannot be compared to a woman. I can feel his hands trying to remove my clothes and his kisses getting deeper.

Wait... Zack...please...stop!

It was my first kiss and a deep one to boot! I was so scared that I can't breath because of the sudden turn of events that all I can do is cry.

(chuckles) Why are you crying? You.... brawling and crying all of the sudden are you trying to make me looked like a rapist?

You! who would not cry by this kind of thing.. you suddenly..ki..kissed me and even try to remove my clo..clothes this is what you called rape.. stupid! And It's not like you are in love with me so why are you doing this? Are you frustrated or just insane ?! It's even my first kiss, even if it's you I just can't agree with this...

After shouting at him I started crying again. Like a lost child, all I can do is cry. Zack stared at me and gently pat my head while wiping my tears.

Stop crying...even I will start to panic if I see you cry. ( gently smiled) Maybe I am really insane I can't help it I want to touch you so much right now that I can't stop Anne. Reject me seriously if you hate this...

At that point he kissed me again. My heart can't just find a way to reject him, I am helplessly so into him. I am afraid of myself cause I know that after this I will be completely be hopeless without him. His kiss this time was gentler than I expected but I can't still find the timing to catch my breath. On each place where he touches me I can feel this heat and sensation that I don't think I'll ever forget; I tried to hold my voice back but he would tease me by saying that he wants to hear my sweet voice drunk with pleasure. My mind went completely blank, all I can remember was his gentle voice calling my pseudonym "Anne", repeatedly... 

Her Memories...

 (sound of the alarm clock)

Hmmm... (hands trying to wipe her eyes)

What are these... tears? Why did I dream of that time...why after all this time! (started crying)

It's been ten years and I still keep on asking myself, why do I still remember the things of my past that should have been long forgotten. I don't want to believe that I'm still not over him after all these years. But it seems that somebody is playing with my life.

Here I am trying to get over my past, while him on the other hand... Not only did he out of the blue returned to ruin things I've struggled to achieved, telling me that he can't remember me! I know that I should stop being affected and concern with him. So like a broken recording I keep on reminding myself that the past me has long gone...

Maybe it's a good thing that he can't remember me, I can go to work like nothing happens. But did I really change that much from the previous me? Although It doesn't matter anymore, still it pissed me off that he forgotten me that easy!

The next day I asked one of my colleague to boycott the upcoming meeting and leave him several reports and assignments undone.

(sound of the door closing) Mr. Zack did you stay all night just to finish all of this? I hope that the work is not too hard for you (smiled sarcastically)

No... not at all the previous data that I was able to check from the company record files helped me finish the work easily done what I thought.

But I thank you for the concern Ms. Kim, although next time I would appreciate if I will be notified immediately of such things like cancelled meeting...( smiled back sarcastically)

I can't believe it! every work that are being assigned to him he do it perfectly as if he has been working with the company for more than ten years, longer than me. And what is more frustrating is he have this eyes that laugh at me every time I tried to act cold with him, as if he can see through my actions and words. Me, on the other hand did everything to discover his weakness, only to find out being disappointed by myself for thinking how cool he was.

There will be times that I would stare blankly at his serious face while working, mesmerized on how handsome he became more these past ten years. I really hate myself being weak against that face of his since the first time I saw him. One can say that ghost will lingers if there's still regret. Everytime I see him I would return to my past, an old self that should have been long gone before.

Alright guys we will have a welcome party for Mr. Zack here everyone should attend, especially you...Ms. Kim! don't run away this time.

Please.. I am not in the mood to go partying with him!

That's what my heart scream if only I can say that to his face! The party went on until midnight, everyone was so excited to know if Zack is still single or what are his type of girl. As usual he was able to avoid those questions in a smooth way. The whole time he keeps on looking back at me making me uncomfortable, I don't know what he means by this.

I should have run away while I can still, now what am I supposed to do with this drunk?... (sigh)

On his drunken state, this man suddenly hold my hand tight and declared to all that he will drive me back home. But by the time that everyone was gone he just suddenly dropped dead on me.

What was he thinking? (staring at his face)

He did not change at all...but I am surprised that he no longer throws tantrums about his mother unlike before.. I guess he was able to get over with his past... unlike me

Ten years ago, the past that I kept on trying to forget happened the day after we spent our first night together.I can still vividly remembers how painful it was for me when I heard those words that came directly from the first man I fell in love. It was too painful that these past years, I was able to forget his face and voice but not those words that keep on repeating even in my dreams.

The day after that fateful night I was so ashamed to see him after what happened so I did not go to the library that morning like what we have agreed on. Instead, I hurriedly went to the classroom making sure he is not around. After the lesson I went to the student's office where all the representative are going to have a meeting regarding the upcoming seniors ball night. To my surprise Zack was already inside talking to our president, Angelo Sy, who was also at that time one of the most popular guy in our school. I was about to turn around and go back when I suddenly heard my name;

Anne Li Kim! That her name right, the girl who was with you every time?

Yes... that is right why are you asking?

So what are you seriously thinking of going out with her? How do you feel about her? I am just curious since this is the first I've seen you together with a girl for such a long time ( teasing him)

At that time I know that I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I want to hear what he really feels about me so even If I am so scared of what would be his answer, I decided to stay and listen.

Sigh...It wasn't like what I thought...

My body went completely numb. I understand from the start that I am nothing for him but to hear it directly from him I didn't expect it will hurt this much. I can feel that something inside of me fall apart... All I can remember at that time was me running like a madman while those words keep repeating on my head, I don't know how did I go back in that state, one thing is for sure something inside me has died after hearing his words.

I was so traumatized at that time that my parents decided to have me study abroad because they taught that I was being bullied. Without telling anyone I withdraw from the school and leave the country to study and live abroad. There I spend my days crying until one day I was able to get my grip and decided to change myself for better. I asked my parents to let me attend different personality development seminars and fashion schools to help me became a new person. The past me who would not even care to look at the mirror tend myself like an artist that needs everyday skincare and grooming.

I struggled my way to change myself but to my wits end, why do I feel that I'm being drawn to him again after all these years!? 

His memories...

Zack's POV

Sigh... Not again.. What does she wants?

I can always see her staring at me. Although I am used on being followed around, such thing will still make someone uncomfortable. There are even times that I caught her hiding as I walked through the hallway and if I tried to look back she would either run or hide behind. 

Sometimes I would borrow the books that I already read and then would noticed that on the log book someone has been borrowing and reading it the next day I returned it. I have a hunch that it was her who borrowed those books which made me more curious about her and find it interesting. It didn't take that long for me to know the reason why she always stares and follow me;

How can I reach that book? It's to high... maybe I should try to jump

Should I help? (his hands reach out the book)

Lets see.. (looked at the title of the book) Interpreting the Art of Da Vinci, is this the one you are looking for?

Miss?

I...I Like you!..please..please... go out with me!

Pffft.. hahaha ...I can't believe this, a confession coming from the first meet? But since this looks interesting, sure I'll go out with you. So what is your name?

Li... I am Anne Li Kim!

So It's Anne, Please take care of me.. Anne (smiled back)

The very first time I tried to speak with her, at my surprise she confessed and asked me to go out with her. At first I find it interesting and a way to ease my boredom so I agreed and go out with her. I would asked her to buy things and treated her like my own personal maid. Each time I find it enjoyable to see her reaction whenever I speak to her or invite her to go with me. I don't know how to explain this but she make me feel at ease each time I am with her and whenever I see her honest affection towards me.

(Raining heavily)

Just my luck! (looking outside the window)I don't have my umbrella with me and I don't think that the rain will stop anytime soon, How will I go back ? Sigh... I guess I'll just run and let myself get wet.

(heard foot steps) 

Zack! (catching her breath) good thing you haven't left... here I got you an umbrella! I was already home when the rain suddenly pours down and I remembered that you are still on the library so I went back.

I'll go home now take care! ( hurriedly run outside )

Wait Anne! what the...

She hurriedly went back after giving me her umbrella, I called out to her because I noticed that she only brought one umbrella so what about her? How would she go home? The next day I heard that she was absent and down with flu. 

She was really an idiot; that's what I thought of her.

I am always surrounded by fake people who just want to be on the good side with me because of my family background. Even my own mother who I love most suddenly disappeared on me and left me with my father who always see in me my mother who left him for another man. I become numb with these people to the point I almost give up trusting and believing on someone. 

Her appearance is something that I didn't expect would turn my world upside down. I can't believe myself being used in being with her that sometimes I don't know if it was just due to my drunkenness I would vent out my frustration about my mother who left me. I thought that she will give me sugar coat words but instead she cried and brawl like a child on me.

Hey why are you the one who is crying? It's not like I want you to feel pity on me!

No... it's not like that I... I'm so happy that you are telling me this things that I can't help but to cry...I am sorry if I can't say any comforting words to you but I can't think of any word I can say to ease your pain, that is why all I can do is to cry for you since you won't cry in front of me. (start crying again)

Her honesty did save me at that time. I can't believe it at first but I can feel something inside of me is changing. Before it was her who keeps on looking at me but now like a stalker I would always look for her and find myself staring at her. Her smile, voice and her eyes that look back at me I find it all beautiful. It didn't surprise me to finally realized that me as well, slowly but surely I too has fell in love with her...

( chatting noise)

Anne! ( hold her hand tightly)

Zack? what is it? why are you calling out for me? (look so confused)

( stared at her intensely) I want you to come to my place now! 

Return to First Love

Not knowing where does he lives, I have no other choice but to bring him back home. Although I'm reluctant at first It's not like I have a choice right? Memories of my past self-came back as if it was just yesterday, his smile, voice, his eyes looking at me and the happiness I felt when he let me see the weak side of him that he won't show in front of others, it's all coming back to me. 

Time has passed us by but why am still stuck at my past with him ten years ago. Looking at him right now it only makes me realized how unfruitful for me to continue on being affected by him. I guess it's really time for me to move forward and stopped being stuck on my memories of him.

Just let me have this one last kiss...

What's taking you so long?

No way... (surprised upon seeing him awaked)

If you are going to kiss me, do it now! I still have so many things that I want to ask you... ANNE.

Without a second thought my body moves on its own finding a way to escape. I know for sure that this time if I let him again into my life, only to be hurt and be disappointed with myself again, I won't be able to cope with the pain for the second time. But Zack was able to see through me, he immediately reached for my hands not letting me escape from him.

As I thought you are really Anne, I don't want to believe it at first but seeing how you reacted I can't be mistaken. Did you know how long I've been searching for you? You just suddenly disappear on me after what happened to us and for worst like a crazy man I've been searching for a woman by the name of Anne li Kim who never existed! You!...why do you always...

I thought that he was going to hit me but instead he hugged me so tight, I can barely breathe. I tried to escape from his arms and then he, like a desperate man, kissed me.

Wait... Zack... Please stop doing this! Being hurt once is enough..please...just help me get over you (Start crying)

I can't do that...Anne what made you think that? Don't cry haven't I said before that I hate seeing you cry...tell me what happened why did you leave?

Asking me why...who would want to hear from the person you love most that you are such a disappointment for him!

What? Where the hell did you get that idea? (confused)

I heard you at that time, you and Angelo are talking about me and when he asked you on how you feel about me you told him that It wasn't like you expected!

At that time? Wait if I remembered at that time we...

Tsk !(click tongue)

Are you stupid if you are going to eavesdropped make sure that you finish listening until the end! I can't believe for such simple misunderstanding...

you want to know what I said at that time? How do I really feel about you? Yes ! It wasn't really what I thought first, I became too serious that I even chose to stay behind when my mother asked me to come with her in New york because I don't want to leave you!

Like a puzzle piece found everything has been cleared and yet I can't find the strenght to go back with him and confidently say that we can start all over again.

Zack there's no point of talking about this things now, we have both move on and have each other life to live with... so please stop doing this...

Ten years did past already between us and we are both adults now so we can't just simply take things like "relationship" easy. I know that Zack thinks the same as well. It's not easy to fill in the gaps of ten years. I was ready to end things between me and him but to my surprise he hugged me again and then utter these words;

You are the only one who has been able to move on from the past...not after you caught me and made me into someone who can never see other than you!

I never give up the thought of seeing you again and I am confident that if that's what you think then I just need to make the you now... Lian Kim... to fall in love with me! And by the time I made you say that you love me again, I won't let you escape this time!

I have this premonition that for the coming days I might be forced to return back to my first love... 

 

Chapter 2: From the beginning

I don't know how we end the conversation last night, everything happened so fast that I don't have the time to think of what should I do and how to face him from now on. This might sound a joke but this is the first time that I've been confessed and I don't know how to react given as well that the confession came from the man I wish to hear those words from ten years ago.

How dare him to say that he's confident that he can make me say that I love him again!

I still believe that it's really not easy to fill in the ten years gap and we are both adults now so we can't just simply take things like "going out again" as a simple matter.But to my surprise he on the other hand acts as if nothing happens. Why am I the one who's being conscious around him? His confidence pisses me off!

(sharp pain) Ouch! my head hurts...

You look pale miss Lian are you okay?

Yes, thank you for the concern.

I've been working non-stop these days since I don't want to think of him, I guess the stress has piled up and is taking toll on me now. Which is why right now, I am not surprised when I woke up and find myself lying in bed feeling sick and unable to stand. However although my head is still foggy, I am sure that this is not my room. I feel so tired and my head is hurting so much, so I don't have the strength to remember what happened and felt my consciousness fading again.

(somebody gently caressing her head)

Hmm...this feels good (smiled)

I remember this feeling that I haven't felt recently, this warm and gentle feeling that I thought was already long forgotten by me. I see...this feels like his hands holding my hand and caressing my head ten years ago when I become sick and down with flu the day after the stormy night I ran back to get him an umbrella.

(Ten years ago)

(door bell rings)

(lying on the bed) hmmm...who is it? I'm so tired I don't want to be bothered

Anne, it's me open the door!

Zack? (immediately get-up and rushed to open the door)

I...I've heard that you got sick and I'm partially the cause of it so I'm here to give you this (showed her bag of groceries and medicine) Here take this and let me cook for you...

He suddenly just let himself in and begun cooking for me, honestly at that time I don't have much strength and appetite so I haven't eaten yet.

I'm sorry this was the first time that you came to visit me and yet I am making you (cough) cook for me. Please don't find me a bother for you...

You! (sigh) I know that you are stupid but can you please stop worrying about unnecessary things? Here take this and eat first so you can take your medicine...

Back then I was so happy that he came for me even though I know that he was just doing that in return of what I've done for him. I am already content with the thought of him worrying over me. After eating I thought that he was going to leave immediately but he stayed and tend to me until my fever went down. I was so nervous with the thought of being just me and him inside my room, I remember being so restless the whole time but I was still able to sleep thanks to my high fever.

(Caressing her head) I can't believe this myself... I think I've...f

Hmmm....

I don't know if it's because of my fever but I had this memory of him telling me something important. These past few days the harder I try to forget him the more I recall things of our past together ten years ago which I thought I have already forgotten the past years.

(Present)

Anne...wake up, I know that you are tired but you need to eat something

(suddenly wake up) Zack? why are you here?

What do you mean why I am here? this is my room, I brought you here when I heard that you fainted because of fatigue (sigh) You haven't change you are still stupid when it comes to your self, do you enjoy making someone worry for you?

What...who told you to do this things?...I think I am fine now so I'll go first

Alright if you insist, but let me bring you to your own room right beside mine...

What do you mean right beside yours?

I rushed outside his room and get to see a familiar scenery and my door just next to his. I can't believe it my eyes but this is reality right?

You... What do you think you are doing?

(smirks) I've decided to find a place near the office and got myself lucky to find this room, although the real reason why take it is because I've heard that you also live here.

No way...

Please take care of me from now on Ms. Lian (smiled)

I've been had, I can't believe this man would come and start living on the same place with me. I don't remember him being this way to me ten years ago!

 Every morning he would pests me in going with him to work, if not he'll force me to have breakfast with him. And there's no second that he keeps on saying to me to just give up and admit that I'm still in love with him!When did he become such smooth talker? But with all these crazy things that are happening right now, it still made me curious on how was he was able to tell that the I'm the same Anne who confess to him ten years ago...

Things Are Now Connected

I know this is out of the blue but I've been meaning to ask this for a while, said by her while looking at me which made me curious what she's going to asked me, I know that the first time we met you were not able to tell that it's the same Anne that was with you ten years ago...so how did you know it was me? she continues while waiting for what will be my response.

Pfftt...hahaha..I was curious what are you going to ask me with that serious face you are making right now, so you're just curious on how did I know that it's you...Anne, said by me that find her interest in knowing this funny. 

It's the way you looks at me and stares me blankly that must be you, thinking how cool or handsome my face was (Smiles at her), I continued which made her blush and leave immediately. 

The real reason was something so simple actually , is what he thought while smiling and seeing her walk away outside the room. He then remembers the real reason on how did he noticed that she was the same " Anne" who just suddenly disappeared ten years ago; it's actually the way she looks when she give her best on doing something she wants.It was because of this that he noticed the resemblance of her to the " Anne" who just disappeared on him ten years ago. 

Circumstances like her attitude towards him and her reaction every time she was alone with him were have been put together by him and resulted him in one conclusion; that this person, Lian kim and Anne li kim were one and the same person only.

Arrgh just remembering the time when she just left me hanging and hiding the truth to me still gets on my nerve!

Ten years ago I received a phone call from the person I thought that I never want to see anymore but with just hearing her voice, like a child I longed to see the mother whom I once considered as my most important person in my life.

  My son, I know that it might be hard for you to believe me but I did want to take you with me when I left your dad, but at that time I had so many things to take care of and doesn't have the confidence to take care of you and gave you the same things your father can give you, said by her while crying over the phone. 

I hope that you'll forgive this selfish mother of yours, my only son, she continued while waiting for my forgiveness. 

Honestly if I was the same person as I was before I might not even bother to listen to her and just hung-up the phone now. It was all thanks to her, to you Anne that even if it's little by little my frozen cold heart begun to melt and find a space for forgiveness. 

I understand...I already forgiven you...mom, is what I said while thinking how long since then I called someone " Mom". It was by then she told me the real reason for her phone call which her plan to take me with her in New York and live there from now on together with her new husband. 

I don't know what will be my answer by then I haven't met you but there's one thing for sure I can't bear the thought of leaving you behind now that I know what I really feels about you. 

I'm sorry mom but I have someone whom I can't leave and be separated with no matter what, is what I replied to her.

An empty fridge and a handwritten note with some cash on top of it, were the things I always see whenever I gets home and find myself all alone. It made me realized how childish I was at that time whenever I hope for someone to be with me and thus stopped hoping for it. If it weren't for you I might be still the same person who doesn't give a shit about people and how they think of me. It was your honesty and affection that made me feel like a human again and save me from the hell I created myself because these feeling of emptiness. What I did not expect that you will disappear on me as well like what my mother did, leaving me clueless on what did I do or where I went wrong.

 I tried to ask other students and teachers but they didn't even know who is this Anne Li kim that I am talking about! I never gave up the though of seeing you again but as the days go past your face, voice and how you laugh are starting to vanish from my memory which made me even more scared and tremble from the thought of you having the same thing happening. 

But the memory of you will never fade no matter what I do these past years even if I tried several times to be mad and angry with you... I just can't do it. 

It was the same when I first learned that you and this Ms. Lian Kim are the same person. You don't know how much I waited to see you again. And even if your appearance and image has change, although you are saying that you have forgotten me and denying that you are still into me, I know that you are still the same person I fell in love ten years ago, and even if you have forgotten it, I'll just have to make you remember and return you back on being in love to your first love.

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                          

 

 

 

 

 

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