Depression Talks: My Side

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https://clinpsychsite.wordpress.com/2015/12/16/listen-stop-arguing-and-listen/

My side:

 

Hey! Whenever you have the time, can you call back?

It’s not urgent…

I’d just rather talk than text.

Doesn’t have to be today.

 

It would be helpful to hear what your take on my behavior approximately a year ago was.. the “manic symptoms” you perceived me to have.

 

I would like to talk to you sometime today…

 

I’m looking into the possibility of a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression in our family tree.

With an elevated anxiety character? And possibly mild depression in the past?

Generalized anxiety disorder kind of appearance

I’m not saying at a clinical level… like an anxiety DISORDER… but… more stress than the normal healthy person.

I’m just trying to analyze possibilities.

 

But we DO have depression and anxiety in our family… even if we have never been diagnosed…

We don’t talk about it.

 

Family member X recently revealed that he/she may suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and/or anxiety i.e. panic attacks.

 

Dr. X is f***ed up.

Don’t let the fact that Dr. X induced a manic state in me keep you. It’s fine. Not like bipolar is associated with extreme suicidal ideation or behavior or anything.

 

Which part confuses you?

 

 

I feel like you aren’t taking this as SERIOUSLY as you should…

Hence my frustration.

 

When you called me about anxiety, I listened even though I was literally in the middle of my very first date with Z.

I wasn’t asking for even 15 MINUTES of your life.

 

I KNOW that you are overwhelmed and busy.

I realize that.

 

But, you should still make five minutes for family…

 

 

Especially member who believe that they are in….

 

full blown manic state and that the doctors have failed them and that depression and mania are inescapable.

 

My parents already know. Good night.

 

 

Dr. X told me today that she believed me to be bipolar, which is a lifelong condition, but NEVER TOLD ME OR FOLLOWED UP.

 

 

MY FRUSTRATION IS NOT UNTIMELY OR IRRATIONAL.

 

 

I KNOW.

 

It was not ONE MISTAKE.

It was misdiagnosis…

followed by medication which induced dangerous mania

followed by not believing my family and friends about my mania and instead believing the manic patient… despite 20+ years of experience with MOOD DISORDERS SPECIFICALLY…

followed by not TELLING ME about the possible bipolar diagnosis

followed by NOT FOLLOWING UP with a patient who will have a future severe depression or manic episode with a history of suicidal ideation and NSSI…

followed by not talking on the phone at ALL even though Dr. X said that I should call with any concerns…

 

Not ONE SINGLE MISTAKE in a year time span… but mistakes on mistakes on mistakes.

 

Misdiagnosis happens frequently. This type of irresponsible “professional” behavior??

No.

Absolutely not.

 

Especially with mental health in which seriously screwing up can be deadly. 

 

 

NOT ACCEPTABLE.

 

 

What the HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

 

I literally ran into something in my car because of an extreme emotional breakdown.

 

I’ve written suicide notes.

 

I’ve research suicide day after day after day for hours at a time…

 

 

But I should “GET OVER IT”?

 

I’m in a manic state RIGHT NOW which cause me to fail an exam.

 

 

For the past few weeks, I haven’t slept for more than 3 hours a night.

 

 

Obsession is LITERALLY PART OF MY FREAKING ACTUAL DIAGNOSIS.

OCD.

 

 

I am not trying to be angry with you…

It’s just SO FRUSTRATING.

 

Take care.

 

 

I literally just wanted to talk to you for about five minutes last night.

To keep you updated…

 

It is BEYOND MY CONTROL… can’t just STOP THINKING.

Bye.

 

I’m TRYING HERE.

 

No. Because you COULDN’T MAKE THE TIME FOR ME. AT. ALL.

NOT EVEN FIVE MINUTES.

 

Yeah you called back… because you were MAD ABOUT ME “OVERREACTING”

If I hadn’t made you mad, would you have called??

 

Me too. About 3 hours of sleep.

For the past month.

Have a great day.

 

Yes. You are hypersensitive when it comes to things being said about you. Not with others.

 

Fine.

 

Seriously?

 

YOU THINK THAT ITS FUN OR EASY FOR ME?!

 

You think I’m doing this to “get attention”??

 

 

Fine.

Whatever.

Forget it.

 

I was just looking for a family member to talk to because I’m overwhelmed.

But I wouldn’t want to force you to listen.

 

 

You were MINIMIZING MY PAIN, and I did not appreciate THAT.

 

 

It’s not OVERREACTING.

It IS extremely serious.

 

 

Seriously… just stop. I don’t even care anymore.

 

I did tell them and cannot GET an earlier appointment.

 

 

 

You are instantly defensive or shutting me DOWN, but she listens more.

 

Oh. I have given you the chance. You’ve screwed it up.

 

No. You STILL don’t get it. LISTEN. Stop ARGUING AND LISTEN.

 

Seriously?? You are telling me to get over suicidal ideation like it is NOTHING but a political saracastic joke is the offensive part of this entire conversation?!

 

 

I KNOW THAT I HAVE A SERIOUS ISSUE. YOU DON’T NEED TO TELL ME THAT PART. I KNOW.

 

 

 

Family is supportive no matter what, ESPECIALLY in hard times.

That is what love is, not giving up on someone.

 

 

 

 

Nevermind.

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