Blinking Lights Resemble Extreme Insanity. The loneliest stations were always the most dangerous. The some train I, Lucy, get every night has become dull. It is now lifeless, with no hope and nothing to live for. It used to be so energetic i...
Blinking Lights Resemble Extreme Insanity.
The loneliest stations were always the most dangerous. The some train I, Lucy, get every night has become dull. It is now lifeless, with no hope and nothing to live for. It used to be so energetic it was full of passengers, newly weds, girls gossiping and chuckling babies. Now all that boards it is creepy men and kids who cannot stay out of trouble. This train much resembles who I am. Not even three years ago, I was happy. I had a beautiful daughter named Isobelle. She had the biggest heart and the sweetest voice. I constantly hear her voice saying "mummy, mummy". I am constantly reminded of what I loved, of what I lost.
When Isobelle got sick that's when Steven and I drifted apart. Her sickness drove us away from one another when we needed each other most. We turned into enemies and couldn't look at each other. Steven and I divorced earlier this year, and although I hated him and I had company with him. Suffering with company is better than suffering alone.
Isobelle met with God and parted with us last November. She was a victim to lukaemia. We were all a victim to it. I know it sounds but, now I have no one. Not only am I alone, but I am lonely. Not only am I lonely but I am grieving. I am grieving because I have lost the two loves of my life. I have also lost my life, my soul, who I used to be. I have lost all meaning. This train represents me and my longing to be set free. The sudden brake of the train, screeches like the pain of my soul. The blinking lights are my sudden thoughts of extreme insanity. The passing scenes through the window are the killing flashbacks I encounter. They are good flashbacks of found memories but are excruciating to think about. I want to be free of this living nightmare.
As we approach my stop, I stand up carefully and make my way though the aisle. I get to the exit and wait patiently for the doors to open. I step out and am greeted by the distinct 7th Avenue station odours. I hear a girl call out "mummy mummy". I immediately turn to see a woman's pale face fill up with tears as her daughter runs to her. I have made my decision. A decision I have wanted to make for a long time now.
I take my coat off and fold it. I take my shoes off placing them on top of the folded jacket. I place both of these next to my handbag on the closest bench for identifying purposes. I turn around and begin walkin towards the platform. The light from the oncoming train is almost blinding. This train is clearly not stopping due to its continuous speed. I start walker faster towards the platform. I feel myself almost running until the train hits my body with a deafening silence. I can feel nothing, only freedom. The moment I have longed for has finally come. I am departing this earth after twenty seven years. I am meeting God and my darling Isobelle. I am free.