In and out



Have you ever given any thoughts on how important the in- and out-movements is for our society?

First of all; those of you who got really excited by the title of this story, or those of you who thought it was just too vulgar – the problems are inside your heads.

In 1980 David Bowie (R.I.P David) wrote “Fashion”, a song that has been perceived as a critique or a poke towards the style of the New Romanticism in England at the time being. It’s quite a cool song, but fashion (not the song) can be quite strange. I can for example wear some kind of clothing and be regarded as Mr. Fabulous for a short period (if you look away from the rest of me). Wearing the same clothes just one year later has turned you into Mr. Ridiculous. For many men like me, this is impossible to understand this, just as much as it is impossible to understand women — and the irony is; women and fashion understands each other perfectly.

Many years ago I bought a fabulous Hawaiian shirt. It was half sleeve, really powerful red, with some beautiful yellow flowers on. I received a lot of nice feedback for the shirt and for my taste in clothing. Actually I guess many women went to bed with me just because of that shirt, and it made me feel like Mr. Fabulous.  

Then I met a woman I fell in love with, we hooked up and unfortunately too late, she showed very clear opinions about Hawaiian shirts in general, and especially mine. She told me it was kind of a redneck style, and that I could just forget wearing it when I was together with her. For many years I stored it deep inside my closet, until one day I wanted to wear it. I could not find it, and asked my girlfriend if she had seen it. She told me she threw it away since she didn’t like it and I did not wear it…  This was the first nail in the coffin for our relationship.

Some years later, it couldn’t have been more than two or three; suddenly there was one cool American guy who posed on a photo, wearing a cool Hawaiian shirt. Not as cool as my old one, but quite nice. Before anyone knew it, Hawaiian shirts were the coolest shirt to wear for men. I didn’t buy myself one, since I knew what my girlfriend was thinking of them, and I didn’t want to look like a redneck. One day she yelled at me for being so slow and not to keep with fashion, and that same evening we were trawling the streets for a Hawaiian shirt. I saw many, but none as gorgeous as the one she threw away. But since she was also a happiness provider (she gave me sex, for the slow ones of you) she convinced me to buy one I never felt comfortable in. It wasn’t really me.  

Some months later our sex life started to become less frequent, and since I’d never forgot that she threw away my shirt, I dumped her.

The other day I was on a coffee house with a friend of mine, and I asked her why she didn’t want sugar in her espresso, since she always has been using it. She told me that she had read in a magazine that now it was IN to drink espresso without sugar, because then you showed that you loved the real coffee taste, without additives, meaning you were a lover of real life. That the coffee tasted like shit without sugar, she didn’t mind. Because she was IN, which is the opposite of OUT, and by that time coffee with sugar was definitely OUT.

On my way home that day from the coffee house, I was wondering on something that have been more and more focused in our climate changing times, and that’s the fashion related to sunglasses. Some years ago, women wore small, cute little sunglasses and I guess those of you who have seen the movie “The Doors”, about the legendary rock band, can hardly forget Meg Ryan wearing those small, sexy sunglasses.

The nice thing about these glasses were that of course we men could see if the woman was worth whistling for when we were out, but for the women they were also practical, since their faces got tanned when they were out in the sun, making some of them even more desirable. Nowadays, the female sunglasses are big, huge, making a woman who is IN look like a fertilizer beetle seen through a microscope. And the funny thing about women wearing those beetle glasses is that they do it to be IN and to look good. Sometimes I wonder how stupid the world can get.

Another backside of the big sunglasses is that with these glasses women will not get their tan when being out in the sun, since the sunglasses acts almost like a facial mask. This, and now we are getting into what really worries me on a macro level, makes many women in need of compensating for the loss of natural tan by visiting tanning salons, which requires a lot of energy to convert electricity into radiation.  And then I get confused; now it is OUT to not worry for the climate change, although it is IN to be tanned, which can only be achieved by saying that to worry about climate change is OUT.   

Who are the ones deciding what is IN and what is OUT? If you know who, please help them to their nearest mental institution. You would actually contribute a lot to saving the world, and help them to understand what monster they have part of creating.

In the meantime I am driving around; using as much gasoline I can (since worrying about climate change is sooo OUT) looking for a really powerful red Hawaiian shirt with some beautiful yellow flowers. David Bowie is on my stereo, and I think that it’s a cool touch from David that the song “Fashion” is found on an album called “Scary Monsters (and super creeps)”. 

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