The Bag!



Short samples, the first in the series showcasing short true, yes true stories showing what happens when builders, construction workers and tradesmen meet members of the public in their homes, as we build towards creating a screenplay for television! Shameless for the Building Industry!


Went to 112 Warrene.

Knocks on door,
“Alright luv, were sparks coming to do rewire!”

“Come in luv.”
Biggish lass with big tits, bout 38 / 43.

“Gona be dusty in here luv, you might wana go out for day cos don’t want ya breathing all that dust in!”
“I’m Tony by the way, but to you its T!”

“Haha ok T, tenant liaison officer already said to go out!”
“I’ve put stuff away cos you get all over house aint ya.”

“Yes luv, all downstairs and upstairs, bloody big job but we are the A team of rewires!”

(Haha) She smiling, god am fucking hungry, size of her, she should have fridge full of fucking snap!

“Got everything luv? Lads are bringing stuff in!”
“Yeah T, am ready see ya at round 4 pm!”
“Ok be good!”

Off she goes.

“Smig, watch her till she turns round corner, am banging fucking stove on, fucking starved as fuck!”
“Ok T put me some bacon or egg on ha-ha.”

In I goes.

“Steve get the 2.5 and 1.5 cables out, cable clips, tools and dust sheets, am in kitchen but if any fucker comes, start whistling!”
“Ok T.”

Steve is our new lad, 18, thick as fuck but keen to learn.

Cookers on, in fridge, bacons on, eggs on, grills on.

“Fucking yeah baby. Master Chef T cooking like a fucking boss!”

We eats snap, starts planning job.
“Smig, you downstairs, chase out ready for sockets and light switches, make sure fucking dustsheets are down. Ste, you upstairs with me to move shit!”

Up we goes, main bedroom.

“Ha-ha Big Mary must sleep in here, see all them fucking crisp packets by bed ha-ha!”
“Ste, drag this fucking unit away from that wall, double socket going next to bed.”

As Ste pulls it, a carrier bag appears from under it.
“What’s in it Ste lad?”

He looks in and his eyes bulge like fuck.

“Tip it on bed lad!”

The bag empties and on bed is a huge thick pink dildo all fucking worn, bout 9 inch and a small white inch long thing on a string with a kind of controller!

“Smig fucking Smig, get up here quick ha-ha Ste’s found Big Marys stash!”

Smig runs up, when he sees stash, starts laughing like fuck!

“Get tape on that fucker T, let’s see what Big Marys used ta!”
I measures it.

“Fucking 10 fucking inches bruv ha-ha.”
“I’m not fucking her then!”Laughs Smig.

I picks it up, and push it in Smigs face, he sniffs it then takes it off me and licks it.

“Fuck me Smig, you dirty cunt!”

I looks round and Ste’s got that small fucking thing in gob and pressing controller, it’s vibrating like fuck.

“Ha-ha Ste”, I says.
“You are a thick cunt!”

“Smig, wave that fucker over here!”

“Ste, big one for (I point and says slowly) P U S S Y, small one for A S S H O L E!”

Ha-ha Ste nearly chokes on the fucker!

We hear fast footsteps..Door flies open and its fucking Big Mary!

“You fuckers, just rushed back from town to move that fucking bag, ha-ha but never mind!”

Ste still has ass toy buzzing in gob!

“I see your mates likes my toys T, here younging, I used that this morning..Ha-ha!”

“Now you are all in FUCKING BIG trouble, as I see it, if I complain you been rooting round my stuff, you will all BE in deep shit but I have a solution. Me, I just love having my pussy licked, how about one of you lick it real good while I lays on fucking bed! Do it good and my lips are sealed!”

“Now then luv, that’s fucking blackmail!”

“Don’t fucking care!”
“It’s either that or site manager!”

Smig and I look at Ste.

“Well you’ve had a good taste Ste lad. You can save our jobs, Smig and I can’t do it cos of rewire!”

“Well there’s ya answer luv, Ste will plate ya!”

“Stick ya tongue out younging, wiggle it around! Let Auntie Sue see if ya any good!”
“Ok T but remember, he best be good!”

“Ste we are shutting this fucking door and till she says, you aint fucking coming out!”
Ste looks scared!

“Ya be alright younging, your Auntie Sue will train ya, be licking pussy like a pro when you step outa here. Shut that fucking door and get on that bed. T, fuck off and get my downstairs fucking rewired!


Smig and I go down.

“Something’s not right here Smig, that bitch coming back so quick!”

Demo lad’s walks in, two big tattooed cunts from down street.

“Ha-ha Has Sue got lad upstairs ha-ha”


“I’ll take it as yes THEN!Ha-ha!”
“Did you find bag HA-HA?”

These cunts are laughing fit to fucking bursting.

“”Yeah why?”

“Hahahahha hahhah Fucking did same to us when we came to demo, left bag next to kitchen sink, Kev looked inside, and she runs in, said if he didn’t eat her out, she’d tell site manager. He wa up there all fucking day ha-ha!”

“She’s a crafty cunt that Sue ha-ha!”

“Not as crafty as me!” I shouts, get me fucking double ladders Smig,
“we’ll film this cunt!”

They all watch as I leans ladders up and slowly creeps to bedroom window.

Getting phone out, I can see Ste knelt between two huge white thighs and slurping like it’s a fucking cornetto and Sue, with her tits out, pinching her huge nipples with one hand as she forces Ste’s head up and down. I starts filming, zooming in on Big Sue.

“Ha-ha got cha!”

Down ladders.
Straight upstairs with demo men and Smig.
Into bedroom!

“Hey!” She shouts, "get the fuck out or am on phone ta gaffer!”

Showing her ma phone, “look Sue is that you? Want us to show neighbours and site manager!"

“Fuck me how you got that!”

“Never mind luv, Ste, fucking stop that YOU DAFT CUNT, looks like you got a taste for it!”

“Now this is how it is, way I sees it, I have you now. Tables are turned so to speak. Gives us all a blow job, a breakfast every morning and this won’t go on Lads Bible with your fucking name!"

“Ste’s first since you took him first, ha-ha go on Ste lad !”

“You a right DIRTY fucker you T! Fuck the breakfasts, I’ll give you all a blow job a day but I want Ste to train up!”

“Ste lad!”

Ste, eyes ablaze shouts,
“YEA FUCKING more virgin laaa!”

“Get ya cock out Ste lad and shut that fucking door!”Shouts Sue, “when he comes out, you next T!”

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