What! (Morning People)



This is a piece of the project I am working on (Morning people). This writing is still a draft.

A decent amount of time has passed, so it's only normal not to remember things clearly. It was already dark when I got home. Let's say it was six, since it's almost completely dark at that hour. It must've been October, or some time by the end of September. I was wearing a striped three-quarter sleeve, and the jacket Pelin gave me. I don't remember all these details by my incredibly powerful brain which is perfectly capable of keeping memories. We took a picture at the kitchen that night. Sahan and I stood by the fridge, Vaid was checking something on his phone. He appeared on the corner of the frame. Mustafa took the picture to save that day. Let me take a picture of you guys, he suggested. We should stand by the fridge and have him in this picture too, I insisted. Vaid wasn't supposed to be in the shot but I'm glad he was. Now it looked like of one those family pictures that two members of the family strike a pose and the other one is just being himself somewhere around. Sahan was wearing shorts at home, so it must've been September or first week of October. It was kind of chilly, but well, guys tend to have warmer bodies I think. I was coming home from Sasaan's loft. Didem was there too; I do remember that. What I don't remember is that why I was so tired. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open or hold my head on my neck. I was in that state of tiredness where you feel like you've drank a bottle of wine, or half a bottle with an empty stomach. The only thought I had on my way back, was to get myself home, eat a little something, take a power nap, wake up strong, grab my running shoes and hit the street. That was the plan that I had to stick to, but obviously couldn't. Sasaan and I were supposed to meet up in front of the museum down the street, run up to the first bridge and come back all the way to our apartment. I guess it was the time that we still hadn't give up on running. I knew I was tired when I promised Sasaan that I'd meet him there. I bet I loved running so much back then, I really couldn't see how tired I was.

Vaid was home when I arrived. I was hungry, so was he. He prepared something for us to eat. We sat in the kitchen and had a pleasant conversation. We always have pleasant conversations, I sure don't specifically remember that night. We talked about this and that and things happening around us. I told him about my past few hours or days, who knows, and he said what he's been up to. If only I could remember what we talked about in the kitchen I could solve this mystery.

It couldn't possibly be the day when Sasaan and Didam and I went camping and Sasaan dropped me off home. It seems like it was around that time, but it wasn't that night. I took the dolmuş and walked home. I don't need to remember the stairs either. It couldn't even be the day after that. Let's say it was, why was I so tired then?

I decided to sleep in my street outfits. I didn't want to get so comfortable, I would sleep till morning otherwise. First I decided to nap on the couch, since bed means deep sleep to me. But then I remembered that Sahan's friend was coming over. Not Sahan's friend, his friend's friend, but anyway. Mustafa and Esfanyar was coming over too, so I didn't want to be the annoying figure in the corner of the living room. They were planning to drink Raki and showcase a traditional drinking session for our guest. That sounded like the perfect plan for a lovely evening, and it would be amazing if I could take part too. But I was too sleepy to drink, socialize, talk, laugh, breath or even blink if I have to be totally honest with you.

I went to bed. I laid down on one side and slide my hand under my pillow. I closed my eyes; I found myself a comfortable position to nap. Only a few seconds later, I felt a hand touching my shoulder. Oh, that was fast, I thought. The world around me was blurry. I tried to figure out what was going on or whose hand it was on my shoulder. The door was half open and the yellow light was pouring in from the hallway. My room was dark and the light hurt my eyes. I squinted and looked at the dark person by me. It was Vaid. He was kneeing by my bed. Holding something in his other hand. He was giving it to me, but I had no interest in taking it. His mouth was moving and he was saying something. Not a word I heard though. It's only a dream, I presumed, and so I'm on the right track. I must've thought that it was the wrong dream and it would switch if I look away or change my position.

Sevda! Someone was calling my name. I moved my head around to the voice. The view was the same. What a twisted dream, I was surprised. Vaid was trying to give me something. It was funny, because he was holding nothing in his hand. Well, if it's a dream, I thought, maybe I just should go with it. His mouth moved again. He was talking. I blinked a couple of times and tried to focus. My body was so heavy, it was impossible to lift it. This could only happen in a dream, I couldn't be that heavy. He kept saying what he was saying and gave me nothing he was holding in his hand.

What are you saying? My voice was cracked up and I was desperately in need of cold water to wash down my throat. Did I just pass a dreamless sleep? I doubted myself for a moment.

It's Sasaan, Vaid said eventually. I heard him eventually; that's more accurate. We were supposed to go running he says, Vaid added. Oh, so that's what it was all about. That wasn't a dream, it was reality. We were supposed to meet up, and run, and we promised not to bail, and whoever did was a prick. Well, guess we know what I was now. I was having a hard time falling out of sleep. And that nothing Vaid was trying to hand wasn't nothing; it was his phone and Sasaan was waiting on the other end of the line. She's sleeping man, he said and closed the door as he left. Later he told me that he felt guilty for waking me up and regretted it instantly. You put your head on the pillow and kept pounding your feet on the bed, he described, just like little children. I have no memories of doing that. How can I, with an unconscious mind like that? The answer of this question is, as we know, the answer of our first question. How could I be that tired?

I woke up to the sound of laughter. Something really funny was going on in the kitchen. The room was dark and I couldn't see the clock on the closet. I guess moon was taking the night off. I threw the blanket off me and got up. I actually hated myself and every other thing that led me there. I scared myself to death as I looked in the mirror. My eyes were smaller than ever, fat lips and my puberty nose. I'm pretty, is what you're supposed to remind yourself every time you look in the mirror. I washed my face with cold water. That has to wake me up, I washed it again. It didn't, and so I gave up.

I followed the sound of talk to the kitchen. The party was on. Mustafa was working on food and Sahan was preparing something else in the corner. Drinks, probably. Esfanyar was sitting on my seat, the one beneath the gigantic radiator, on the corner. Vaid was taking his usual seat and our guest was right in front of him. She did not look like what I'd imagined. I said hello to the kitchen, and everyone greeted me so warm. It was shocking a bit at first. But then I remembered they were drinking Raki, so I got it all. They're good people. They're like family, you'd see them every day and still want to hang out with them tomorrow. This time alcohol had a lot to with it.

I introduced myself to Sahan's friend. Made sure I've said my name loud and clear enough for her to hear. My name could be a bit hard to catch. Since she was a polite and cute girl, she said her name too and we shook hands. Shockingly enough, I forgot it. I pour myself a glass of water and tried to find myself a way to hang out with guys. You know, it can be a bit difficult to communicate with drunks, especially when you're the only one sober. I talked to each one of them for about a minute, not just to test the amount of alcohol they've consumed, but to be you know, polite. I excused myself and said that I'd be back in a minute. I went to my room and left the door open. It was still warm under the blanket.

The laughter was louder. The window was in front of me. With all the dark sky it showed and the stars that I couldn't see. Our neighbors were asleep, there were some lights on in between. When did I roll over, who knew? I was far away from the kitchen, but it was a mess. I don't know for sure, it seemed like I was out for about an hour, and that was the perfect amount of time for them to get happily drunk.

I didn't wash my face this time. I thought I'd better change already. Who was I kidding? The gang was brightly present in the kitchen. They looked just like when I left for my bed. Was it really an hour? It felt like an hour. Sahan and Mustafa were sitting now, and I think they all talked in a very strange way. Well, I kind of know. Been there before. It was only a few seconds that I'd join them, but I'd tell they'd act funny too. You'd expect to hear a glass break and crash down to pieces. You know, typical intoxicated behavior. Have done that too.

I sat by Vaid and watched the scenery passing by in front of my eyes. It was like a dejavu more than anything else. I couldn't recall what it was reminding me of. Of course, I couldn't. Not that tired brain of mine. Even the jokes and puns sounded familiar; I'd laugh ahead of it. Slow talks and long looks, and the loud words around the room rang a bell. I really don't know what for.

Have a double with us, Mustafa raised his glass and offered me a sip. No, I said and thanked him. Hormones were getting me back to bed. I could lay down on the kitchen floor and sleep it off. I could sleep by the garbage can down the street and sleep like a baby as the garbage guys unload the trash to their truck.


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