No closure.

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There's nothing more painful than someone leaving your life with no explanation. I have wrote this because it describes my own personal heartbreak and It's a very relatable piece. Everyone at some point in their life is going to feel the intense heartbreak I describe in this piece.

It's always the same everyday, I wake up with that familiar pain, heartache, but blood still flows throughout my veins. You see, missing you isn't temporary, missing you is a tattoo, inked inside my veins, something I will forever obtain. It's insane how mentally damaged I have become since you left my side, I didn't even get to say goodbye. It's a shame, everyday has become a game, I always need someone there, just to keep me from going insane. It's a pain describing how I feel on a daily basis, lost inside this insanity, convinced that things might change but the truth is, without you by my side, I have lost my heartbeat. Pain has changed everything for me, I can still feel your heart beating against mine softly. My soul needs saving and nothing else really seems to faze me. 

I think a part of me, deep down, always knew that he was going to leave me... I just knew, that I was one step away from heartbreak city, when I looked deep within his poisonous, green eyes.

I remember my father once warned me about colourful insects, that they are the most venomous. I didn't realise he was talking about you.

I didn't mind though, in all honesty. I still don't now really. This is me talking from my own  personal experience however, I don't know how you would have felt if you are in the same position as me.

You see, the problem I have is this, I fell in love with your eyes, I fell in love with your broken soul, I fell in love with your broken heart. I just wanted to mend you, to fix you, to show you how much more to life that there is, that there can be, if you just gives life a chance, me a chance, to show you, that the entire world can exist, if you just allow to.

You eventually become every reason, my reason for living. I fell in love with the idea, the smallest idea, that two broken people could learn to fix one another, that two broken people could fall in love with one another, that two broken people could learn to love one another properly, wholeheartedly. I fell in love with the idea that we could both be saved by one another. You eventually become my universe, my reason for every single god forsaken thing on this entire planet. My be all, my end all.

I was never loved, I was never loved properly, before you. It hurts writing this, thinking this, feeling this, it hurts so much. You looked at me like I meant something to the world and I can honestly say, that nobody has ever looked at me like I meant something. You are my reason for everything, the reason I continue to wake up everything morning and close my eyes every single night, the reason why I still write, the reason why I'm still alive.

When you left me, when you walked away from me, when you said it was over, I can honestly put my hands on my heart and say that, ever since that heart breaking night, I have spent every single hour, every single minute, every single second, wishing, wishing over and over again that I could have it all back, have you back, in my arms, even if it was just for a couple of seconds. I would do anything, just to look into your eyes one last time, just to feel your mouth pressed against mine.

And I swear, I swear as I write this, I am looking up at the stars that are caressing the night sky, because, you said, you said that I carry the universe deep within my eyes, that I am your entire universe and I cling onto them words, I cling onto all the memories. And I swear, I swear, as I am writing this, I am gazing up at the moon, hoping, wishing, praying that you are too. And all I do, all I do, is hold onto every single last memory, every single last moment, every single last song, because for the first time in my life I felt alive.

How can you give me so much hope? How can you fill my soul with so much life and then just leave? How can you claim to love me endlessly and just leave, like that?

I will never have any closure from you. You have just left me. No answers, no explanations. You didn't even allow me to ask any questions, to try harder. You didn't even let me prove how much I love you, how much I still love you now, how much I will always love you.

(Forever and always, like we promised.)

 

 

 

 

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