I have and everything in-between. Check out my .99 cent short book on Amazon called "Fifty Shades of Rey." I profile approximately fifty men a woman might meet in the dating pool, especially online.
Here are two different profiles of millionaires. My hope is that when these stories are read as a whole in "Fifty Shades of Rey," they might help women connect, heal, and create better relationships. For the men who read this, my intent is not to bash men. I love men, especially their humor, optimism, generosity, and forgiving nature. Many of the perspectives show how the woman in a particular relationship is a large part of the equation of why a the relationship did not work. My hope is that the stories might help both men and women to create better relationships and examine how ego, neediness, unresolved issues, and selfishness might be worked on before starting a relationship.
#1: A Millionaire
Rey’s online profile is impressive. He donates to his alma mater, attends charity balls, and travels internationally frequently for work. He’s handsome and looks at ease in a tuxedo. His tastes in music and food are eclectic, and he’s a trend setter, often the first to wear certain fashions in his large group of friends.
You instantly fall for his smile because it looks like the smile of a gregarious, fun-loving, friendly, lucky man. You want his luck to rub off on you. You want to rub your naked self against him soon, and as luck would have it you get to do just that in a Ritz Carlton presidential suite. He spares no expense on your first date and seems taken with you, though a little shy about initiating sex even though you both are partaking in legalized marijuana in the same hotel room late at night.
He initially seems adorable, likeable, and most of all interesting and a great story-teller. Since he claims to be a collector of wine on his online profile, you are anxious to sample some of the better wines in his collection. However, a few weeks into dating, you will realize that “collector of wine” actually means “pass out drunk.” He won't even open a great bottle for you, just an average one, while slamming down rum and diet cokes all night and poking fun at everyone around him.
You'll find that when he drinks like that, you will feel alone, as if you are dating a ghost, like no one is home. His spirt will fly far away from his body. Unlike Christian Grey and his demons, your sex and remaining innocence will not cure this Rey. You might actually love him but realize that you fell in love with popular, outgoing Jekyll and not Hyde, who happens to be a surly pirate, a rum smuggler who only comes out at night and is often a condescending asshole.
Rey's house is amazing. His taste is impeccable, and there is something tough, beautiful, and intense about his soul, but he is also an ordinary, garden variety drunk. And, he’s cold in the morning after sex. Maybe all the ex-wives have taken too much of his heart and trust in humanity. Maybe he is too broken for romance. All you know is that he isn’t all that available when you are not around. He doesn’t care about your day to day issues, and makes a joke instead of driving you to the hospital when you have an allergic reaction. You feel grateful that your good friend got up in the middle of the night to help you out, even though you ignored her for the past month because of all the dates with him.
It would be easy to call him a jerk, a drunk, a cold-hearted snake, but he is many things at once—incredibly smart, funny, handsome, successful, as well as egotistical, wounded, fearful, and disappointed. He spends money frivolously, lavishly, on his youngest child and not so much on the others. Many times, you feel like you will never be his favorite woman, just like his older children are not his favorites. You feel transparent and easily brushed away like dust. You are welcome to pass through his life for as long as you want to party, but you can't expect anything solid or dependable from him. Sometimes his touch is as cold as his beautiful marble floors.
(If you want to hear from the millionaires' perspective, check out his story in my book Looking For: Intimate Confessions from People Wanting Sex, Love, Friendship, or Something Else.) http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Intimate-Confessions-Friendship-Something-ebook/dp/B01B53RVE8/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1454073653&sr=8-3&keywords=lindsay+c+lightfoot
#2: Another Millionaire
Let’s say you are lucky and meet a young millionaire, a nice, attractive one because you are young and beautiful too. However, you are way more hip than him and know much more about bands, indie films, and writers. Because he spent his time learning how to design video games and then designed one, he didn’t have time to see all the live music that you saw. You hold this against him in some corner of your mind. Though he is incredibly energetic and smart, you don’t appreciate how lucky you are to have won his heart.
You do admire his sensitive side and his boundless energy. When you hike a mountain together he pushes you to go farther and faster than you dreamed possible. You start hiking a lot of mountains together and love how strong your legs become. You look healthier and happier than the you who hung out in smoky clubs wearing too much black and too much eyeliner. He makes you a better person but you miss this fact. You’re young, and your ego is bigger than the sun itself. You think anything is possible. You think you can have anyone, maybe even someone famous.
Your hypercritical mind begins to focus on how silly he sounds when he uses a fake French accent for no reason or the way he makes awkward nerdy jokes from time to time. You completely overlook how much he cares for you, how tenderly he holds you when you make love, and how willing is he so try any sexual fantasy with you. He’s fantastic at role play, as if his Gemini twin self could become anyone at a moment’s notice. You go to beautiful places and extremely kinky places together, but it all feels blessed and sweet because you waited a while to have sex with him. You both got tested like responsible adults, and for the first time in your young life you trust a man, only worrying a little about a woman on his team. She seems to be the perfect combination of sexy and nerdy.
It’s not all your fault that you can’t fully appreciate the beautiful, fit, successful man in your life. Though Christian Grey is the one with the dark past and childhood wounds in, in this scenario you are the one who was beaten as a child by your mother, but you weren’t saved by CPS or caring new adoptive parents. You were abandoned to live your life with the family you were dealt. Night after night, your father ran out of the house, hoping to escape your mother’s anger. He ran to the bar, to the movies, to a friend’s house, anywhere to get away from her. She found religion as a substitute for a marriage, but you couldn’t buy into that religion because one of the most religious men she knew and trusted touched you inappropriately just before you entered the first grade. No one listened to you when you talked about how much you hated him. They laughed, as if your intense feelings of disgust were funny somehow.
Of course, you have trouble trusting people years later. Of course, you fear the institution of marriage, thinking it might turn you into the hateful characters you grew up seeing—the woman who took her rage and anger out on her little child’s body and the man who spent his money on himself, leaving his wife and daughter with barely enough food for the week. Sometimes, like your dad, you escape the burdens of life with a little too much to drink. On one of these nights, Rey sadly says, “You scare me when you get like this. What can I do to help you?”
He sees you and cares in a way that no one has before. You let yourself love him more than before, and you stop drinking and start taking antidepressants. This helps you for a while, but you still fear marriage and commitment. You fear being a mother, and he wants to start a family. You don’t want to get fat during pregnancy or be anything like your mother. You’re not sure that you want to breed at all because of a promise you made to yourself at fifteen when you read that depression was genetic. You told yourself that no one would suffer because of you and that all the suffering existing inside of you would die within your body, never reproducing itself no matter how many men wanted you to have their babies.
When Rey asks you to marry him, you make a rash decision to run away to another country. Granted, he asks you in a nerdy, nonromantic way. You are eating brunch at his sister’s house, and he says, “I’m thinking of something that begins with the word ‘M.’”
You get angry that he can’t even say the word marriage, and tell him he is immature and not at all ready. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. His parents had a sweet marriage, so he looks forward to marriage and doesn’t fear it like you do. You definitely aren’t ready for commitment, but the loss of his sweet love is a shame. He will be the one you look back on and wish the timing had been right. You had a god, and let him go for a world of half-gods, frogs, and worse.