Boss Evasion



500 word story about avoiding the boss (warning: some coarse language)

I walked into the lavatory. My boss was in there, pissing in a urinal. I didn't want to piss next to him. I didn't want him to see me. I turned to dart into a cubicle. It was locked. I moved to the next one. Locked. They were all fucking locked by shitting colleagues trying to avoid the boss. The one furthest away looked open. I stepped in and closed the door before the boss could see me. I took a deep breath. It was the foulest shit smelling air I had ever inhaled. I forced the breath out of my lungs to avoid poisoning. I was trapped in there. I took small shallow breathes. But still the stench was unbearable. The air was so dense with shit particles I could almost see it. I was in a fog of air-born shit. I had to escape.

     I held my breath and listened at the door to check if my boss had left. I heard a fly zip. This was good. He was putting is dick away. He had finished pissing. I heard him turn the tap. Water gushed and sprayed across his hands. The tap went off. I heard coarse paper towel being tugged out of the dispenser. Then the scrunching sound of him drying his hands. It became silent. I waited a moment. I was aching to take a breath. Hours seemed to pass. I couldn’t hear anything. He must be gone. Thank God.

     I flung the door open and gasped for air like a drowning sailor. Then I took another big gulp. And another. The lavatory air was rancid but those first few breathes were like heaven. My head span with beautiful oxygen. I looked in the mirror. My face was flushed. Then I saw there was another man in the mirror. It was my boss. He was standing there, with paper towel in his hands, just looking in the mirror. He was looking at me. We were making eye-contact in the mirror. I didn’t know what to do. So I left. I walked straight passed him and out the door.

     Now he’s going to think I take a crap without washing my hands. But I didn’t even take a piss in there. I did nothing. I don’t even remember why I was in there in the first place. This was the worst thing that could ever happen.

     I avoided the boss for the rest of the day. I woke up the next morning and I had forgotten about what happened. I am sure he had too. It was nothing. A silly thing that must happen all the time and should be forgotten about forever.

     I went for a shit later that morning. It was a good one. Quick and solid. I went to wash my hands. There were new signs above the sinks. They were laminated and stuck on the mirror above each basin.

     The signs said, “Please Wash Your Hands’.

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