Prose formatted between two speakers...Sometimes it's better to hush and just listen.
Hello, Can I speak To Mrs. Jones please?
Hi, Yes I’m speaking, who is this please?
Ah, hello Mrs. Jones, I am Dr. D.V., I’m just ringing about your test results…
…My test results? Oh god. It’s something bad isn’t it? I knew I should have been safer. I mean it must be bad if you’re ringing!
Mrs. Jones if you could just…
Maybe it was that time I sat on the carousel without washing my hands. No no, that can’t be it. I didn’t have any cuts on my hand or anything. Perhaps it was when I went abroad without getting all the right shots. Those shots are expensive you know! Maybe you should make them cheaper so us common folk can afford them. That way we wont end up with something horrible like this!
Uh-hem. Mrs. Jones. Please. I really need to speak to you seriously about your test results. If you could just listen for two minutes please? It’s not about shots or cuts I assure you.
Um. Okay. But can I just ask you something first?
Of course Mrs. Jones.
Is it contagious? I mean I wouldn’t want to infect my children. Or my husband for that matter. Oh Lord. What will he think when I tell him? He’ll want a divorce for sure! We haven’t been getting along that well recently and this will tip him over the scale! He’ll get rid of me and trade me for someone better, without this awful disease.
Calm down Mrs. Jones. You do not have anything contagious that I am aware of from this blood test. Your family are perfectly safe.
Oh, that’s a relief because I heard from a friend that you can catch these horrendous things just by brushing past a sick person. Just one simple touch and BOOM you’re gonna die. But wait…I’m not gonna die am I?
Mrs. Jones …
OH GOD, I’M DYING! WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS ON THE PHONE? THAT’S SO CREUL. You doctors are all the same you know. All high and mighty with your medicine and ‘mr. fixit’ attitude. Maybe you should have let me die in peace instead of causing all this ruckus. AND NOW I’M DYING?!
MRS. JONES. You are NOT dying.
No. Sorry I had to raise my voice, but you need to listen to me here!
Okay. Sorry Doctor. I can get a bit over anxious. Can you please just tell me already? If I’m not dying and whatever I have isn’t contagious, then what is it?
Okay. Right, Mrs. Jones. The reason I am calling you today is about your blood test. Just to confirm, you do not have any diseases, or infections, life threatening or not. In fact you are in perfect health.
Almost? What’s wrong?
There’s nothing wrong Mrs. Jones. You may want to sit down if you’re not already. It comes as a bit of a shock to some people.
Mrs Jones. You’re Pregnant.