Fifty Shades of Rey: Doctors

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This piece is from my blog series which pokes fun at "Fifty Shades of Grey." I came up with fifty men women might actually meet in the dating pool.  I'm using friends, acquaintances, family members, and some of my own experiences in the posts.  

Check out a real dating experience with a sexist egotistical doctor.  

http://www.fiftyshadesofrey.org/#!Fifty-Shades-of-Rey78Doctors/rhfdw/568ca5590cf223ef44cbc4a9

 

Some of the Reys from "Fifty Shades of Rey" are sexy, some are sweet, some are sad, sorry cases.  These two aren't the nicest of the bunch.  Doctors are sometimes known for being jerks. 

#7:  Rey is a physician, not board certified, but definitely full of himself anyway.  It becomes quite clear early on in your relationship the reason why Rey is single.  He has a lot of anger towards women, of course stemming from his dysfunctional relationship with his mother.  You try to be sympathetic, but his largest grudge against her is that she made him a shitty Halloween costume one year.  You think there are much worse childhood stories and think he should get over it since she was a single mom without child support.  You find it difficult to be supportive.

Rey’s mother isn’t the only woman he hates.He obsessively talks about how much he loathes his best friend’s wife and attempts to wax poetic while talking about her.He’ll say things like, “All of the divergent, copious spiritual energy my best friend Jason once had for life is channeled into her like an eddy current swirling down the toilet bowl.” You appreciate that he at least knows what a simile is, but you wish he could be a happier person.When he talks about exes, he uses derogatory terms like “fruit loop,” "nutcase” and “psycho.”This blatant misogynistic, abusive language disgusts you, but you try to teach him how to be more compassionate, at least to help the next woman out.

Rey doesn’t seem to let geography get in his way when it comes to dating.Most of the women on his Facebook page live all over the country, and he met them from dating sites.He even dated a blind woman from another state, which you find particularly odd, and you walk around the world wondering what they looked like together in grocery stores and restaurants.  Did he like the attention he got as people assumed he must be a loving, devoted spouce?

Until you, Rey claims to not have been particularly good in bed, but he is smart, a quick learner, passionate, and energetic.You show him what to do for you, and he masters and perfects it quickly.There’s a reason he got through medical school, and he must understand something about the human body.You enjoy his taste in books, movies, and music.You have a great time camping and hiking together. There are glimmers of hope to this relationship, and you want to believe that you will be the one woman who can make him believe in love.However, you fear his anger at women will be directed at you.

Soon enough it will be.  God forbid, you use sarcasm in front of him.  He will tell you that he slapped his ten year old son for that offense.  When you say something sarcastic, he’ll pretend to go to the bathroom and leave your ass at a concert.  You’ll walk the five blocks to your car because you left your purse in the trunk and couldn’t pay for a taxi.  You’ll walk in the freezing rain and men will honk and catcall because you wore a short skirt and boots that night.  You’ll curse the day you clicked on his profile on that long, cold, somewhat frightening, walk to your car.  Your hands will not stop shaking for a long while once you finally get inside your car and turn the heater up as high as it will go, determined not to hate men as much as Rey hates women. 

#8:  Dr. Rey, as he calls himself, will have you believe that he is spiritual, but his spirituality is that of a kindergartener.He goes to church, sings along, recites a few things, and after that he is a complete asshole the rest of the day on Sunday and all the days of the week.  Dr. Rey is in his fifties, and wants to mainly date women in their thirties or younger.For someone who was shy and not that popular with women until he became a physician, he doesn’t try to find the hidden beauty and intelligence in women. He doesn’t treat others as he wished they had treated him. He doesn't care about a woman’s heart or soul, though he will claim to care in order to get into bed with her. Dr. Rey doesn’t try to find depth, intelligence or much of anything other than a good looking physical form.

He’s incredibly superficial and looks only for the youngest, best-looking woman available.Sadly, he doesn’t have trouble attracting women, but he definitely has trouble keeping them because of his bad manners, ego, and temper.I suppose a lot of women see “doctor” on his profile, and think he must be warm and caring, not to mention having a lucrative career.

He isn’t caring, and doesn’t give a shit about medicine.  Dr. Rey practices for the money and has zero medical intuition.If you go into the emergency room with a bleeding brain, he will send you home with anti-anxiety meds and tell you to check back with your family doctor in a few weeks.He’ll skim over your charts, missing vital information that might have pinpointed a brain tumor. A herniated disk in the neck is diagnosed as a migraine headache.An autoimmune disorder is diagnosed as nothing but needless worry.He’ll skim over everyone’s charts, getting them in and out as quickly as possible, so he can get back to words with friends or texting various women.His lack of care of concern for patients might cost them their lives, but what can they do once they are dead?

Except for the skills of a butcher—the ability to cut and sew people up—he lacks skills in his field.He doesn’t have people skills or a great bedside manner.He gets off on the attractive women who come into his office.He is completely self-absorbed, highly critical of others, and sees only his pain, not the damage he inflicts everywhere he goes.

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