Knock on the Door

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Margaret knocked on the door to her mother's room.  Maggie and her mother were never close, in fact, their relationship was toxic.  So then why was she knocking on her mother's door?  She had hope their relationship may not be entirely...

Margaret knocked on the door to her mother's room.  Maggie and her mother were never close, in fact, their relationship was toxic.  So then why was she knocking on her mother's door?  She had hope their relationship may not be entirely disposable.  She had hope they might be able to repair the years of damage inflicted by both their parts.  She had hope the words they yelled at one another the night before her knock maybe taken back and perhaps THIS time the light of understanding will grace them both through conversation.  There was no movement behind the cold door to her mother's room so Maggie gave another succession of knocks.  This time she could hear the sound of her mother's solitaire table being pushed forward followed by the dragging footsteps of her heels.  The door opened, her mother stood in it's entrance like a wizard daring someone to pass it.  "May I have a cigarette?" Margaret asked.  "No," her mother responded coldly.  Though Maggie quick smoking cigarettes over a month ago she knew having one with her mother was not only a form of bonding but also because she wanted one.  Maggie smiled at her mother and jokingly said, "Aw come on.  Just one, not a whole pack and I thought I could come in and smoke it with you."  Her mother obliged, allowing Margaret a reluctant welcome into her dark, cold, nicotine stained bedroom.  They sat down on the bed next to each other.  Maggie made the first attempt, as she always did, to lick the wounds to her mother's tortured soul.  "You know I don't like being mean.  I don't like yelling at you or making you feel bad..." Maggie started to calmly speak but was immediately interrupted by the brash sound of her mother's pain and sorrow, her mother's feelings and sharp tongue but worst of all her mother's past and all the inaccuracies that came with it.  In this instance the moment was made quite clear for Margaret.  This woman will never be reconciled with.  Her mother will never see the light because she chooses to never open her window.  This woman will never have friends because she chooses to always stay in the darkness and never seek them out.  This woman will never move forward because her past blankets her with comfort.  This woman will never see the truth because she chooses to see her own lies.  This woman cries of physical pain yet chooses to never alter the bad habits that bring her pain. As these realizations about her mother hit her all at once, Maggie stamped out the cigarette in the overly cramped ashtray and stood up to leave her mother's smoky room.  "Don't forget I know who you are, Margaret!  You're vindictive!  You're evil!  I know you!" her mother so proudly proclaimed.  Coolly Maggie shut the door to her mother's bedroom but not before she uttered the words, "You've never known me and you never will."  It was finally at this moment Margaret understood the meaning of the saying, "God helps those who help themselves," and through this Margaret found the clarity she was looking for.  The door towards the journey of peace was finally opened.

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