A diary, a journal, a journey and an adventure.
Saturday 15/10/2016. 20:32
It's the day before my Birthday, i don't know what's led to me being sat here writing this life is a funny old thing isn't it. Tomorrow i turn 31 which is awesome because everything is just starting to sort of make sense kind of maybe. You see i was like any other child life was amazing and dreams made me happy but like every other child i grew up and turned into an adult and had to learn how to survive in the big bad world. So i'm sat here 30 years 364 days old i haven't a penny to my name i just about have a roof over my head a few clothes and a bit of food. My Brother is sat here in the living room drunk as usual and my 90 year old Grandmother has gone to bed and that's it a day in the life of Darren-John. I wanted to be somebody, i wanted to be a contender but i'm not and it's all my fault. Yes sure life has thrown some harsh deals my way, my Mother died when i was 3 years old and i had to live with my Grandparents there was a court case they won nothing to do with me. I was definately let down by elders my Grandparents had four other children, the two ugly sisters and the brothers grimm to say how much i hate them right now is impossible but they are the worst people that i could have been left with. As far as things going wrong as a child goes yes it is all there fault it didn't take long for them to forget about my Mother because quite frankly they are all heartless all they have ever done is backstab me and each other they have done nothing other than hold each other back and me aswell but i have begun today with a promise i made to myself no more i am not going to let them hold me back anymore i am going to achieve my goals and get what i want out of life and i am in the very best position i can be in because i am at the bottom, rock bottom and there's only one way to go from here and because they all think they've got the job done on me they ain't paying no attention so i can get on with doing what i want to do. I have the tools i have scriggler and twitter for now. They don't know about this place and they don't know about twitter so i am free. Free to express myself in anyway i want to, write and create whatever i want to and by the time they realise it will be too late, i feel like i am living a double life right now there is the me i have to be in front of them and then there is the me i can truly be here. I always hate the introductions there so boring you have to fill in the boring details before you can get on to the good stuff but i can assure you once a day i will make my entry, it will be the past, the present and the future all rolled into one post and everything will be explained the whole story it is a good one it's the Darren-John one. I have been so many people in my life DJ, Daz, Big Daz, Dazzle, Razzle, DazzRazzle with two ZZ's in the Dazz bit but now it's just plain old Darren-John. For the rest of my life these posts are going to explain my life's past while we read the present and look into the future together and i'm sure some people are wondering why they should read my life story and read into me and what i am all about well don't if you don't want to i don't want nothing out of life no more not a single thing if i was to die right now i'm going to see my Mum and my Grandad i have felt like that for years now, i would rather die than live i'd given up stopped but a thought came into my head one day. "No matter how much i want to die right now my heart won't stop beating". Ever since then i have told myself every time i have woken up in the morning i'm still here so i gotta do something but i'll do what i want to do and how i want to do it. And that's all for today to anybody who has read this piece i thank you and i hope yo have enjoyed it or at least taken a little something from it i may be back tomorrow if my heart is still beating and i don't mind if you don't read tomorrow's entry if your not interested your not interested and that's it but this really is it for me the final battle me against the world achieve something or achieve nothing i don't want my Mother's death to have been for nothing and i guess that might be why i'm still alive nobody else in my family is trying to keep her memory alive or my Grandad's they do the right things they post picture's and meme's on social networks but trust me they just want to look good in front of people who they slag-off behind closed doors thats not me i am an artist a writer i want good things for people and good things for this world i feel connected to the world and everybody in it i just don't know what to do about that right now except write about it the worlds a big place and there are lot's of people in it and i'm just one small tiny person until tomorrow be good and be well.
With love from the bottom of my broken heart