Unrest In Mother Goose Land



From my "Strictly Speaking" folder. A satirical story told using dialogue only.

“Dang it, Jack! Slow down!”

“Jill, if you weren’t wearing that frock, we would get up this hill a lot quicker!”

“Hey! It wasn’t my idea! Mother Goose wants me to be wearing this while I tend to her sheep.”

“How the hell did we get bamboozled into pulling this gig anyhow?

“It’s all mom’s fault! If she had laid off the hooch, the shoe wouldn’t have been foreclosed on by Mother Goose.”

“Oh, yeah. And now mom is in some flop house with a dog and nothing in the cupboards.”

“Yes, and the other kids are all doing gigs for Mother Goose too. Blue is worn out between watching sheep and cows and blowing that stupid horn. Mother Goose was really pissed when she found him under a haystack fast asleep.”

“Oh, did you hear that Mary Muffet got bit by a spider while she was eating her breakfast?”

“No, Jack, I didn’t!”

“Yeah, now she is in a contrary mood and doesn’t want to work in Mother Goose’s garden.”

“Can’t say that I blame her. Mother Goose grows some strange stuff. I hear tell that she, umm, likes to partake of the wacky weed.”

“Well, Jill, that would explain a lot of her strange behavior.”

“Gawd! Who was the genius to put a well at the top of a hill?”

“This is whacked! We’ll be lucky if we can make it back down the hill without spilling all the water. At least we are almost to the top.”

“Ole Lady Goose is really pushing her luck. She’ll be lucky if Jack doesn’t sue her for the third degree burns he got jumping over that candlestick.”

“Better him than me. She wanted me to do it, but I told her Jack Sprat was nimbler than I am.”

“Well, I hope he does sue her! It would get him and his fat ass wife out of that pumpkin shell they call a house and into something a lot nicer.”

“Ehhh, Mother Goose will probably settle out by giving him our shoe house.”

“You’re right, Jack, She is just devious enough to do something like that.”

“Finally! We’re at the top! Rest for a bit, Jill, while I fill this pail.”

“Hey, Jack?”

“Yeah, Jill?”

“I’ve been thinking. There are these two brothers over in the next town. I think their name is Brahms or Grimm or something like that.”

“Yeah, Grimm, I’ve heard about them. They have some vendetta against Mother Goose. What about them?”

“I hear they are looking for a brother and sister to stay in some gingerbread house. Kind of sounds like an easy gig to me. What do you say we apply for it?”

“Sounds good to me! Let’s get this bucket of water back to Mother Goose and go mosey over to the Grimm’s and do just that.”

“Cool! I can’t wait to tell Mother Goose we quit. Jack, be careful! Watch where you're going! JACK! Ooo, that’s gonna leave a mark!”


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